- My daughter got bitten by a snake last week. Until I heard the details I was worried. Days before, a friend of ours was bitten by a copperhead in his driveway.
- The Girl wasn’t bitten by a copperhead. The snake was, however, in our house.
- The Boy told me he loves me more than steak. I asked about bacon. He said, “Well, you have to understand that bacon is like my favorite food.”
- We’ve started spending Thanksgiving at the beach. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days anyway, but turkey and dressing taste better oceanfront at sunset.
- We drove to south Florida. It’s not a bad drive if you make it in the average estimated time. If you somehow miss the splitting of I-75 and the Florida Turnpike: game changer.
- Yes there was a GPS in use. When the split happened, we were on a stretch of highway with very, very bad cell phone reception. Our GPS lady temporarily stopped guiding us.
- We crossed Florida once, going from Jacksonville to the Tampa area. By the time we realized our mistake, we’d gotten back to Orlando. I’m sure central Florida is a lovely place. At night, with two tired kids and two even more tired parents, it just isn’t. Knowing your nine-hour trip will now take 12 prompts a quick search for the corkscrew. (Kidding. We waited.)
- If with every minute, your predicted travel time increases by 15 minutes, a slight panic is necessary. Maybe a little cussing, too. Earmuffs, kids. Next year, when we win the lottery, we’re flying. Our overstuffed carful of luggage will take its own plane.
- Last week, someone let their winning lotto ticket go to waste. It expired. Sixteen million dollars went unclaimed. In Tampa, Florida. The irony isn’t lost on me.
- I hear we’re having some of the coldest temps so far this year while we’re away from Augusta. As someone who detests cold weather, I’m not at all sad. I won’t brag about the temperatures in Florida. Let’s just say this: it’s warmer than 78 degrees.
- I don’t mean to offend, but Florida is different from the rest of the United States. There are hundreds of reasons, most of them obvious, but a blanket statement makes the point. It’s not bad, really, just different.
- We did see some 12-ish-year-old girls eating lunch in their itty bitty bikinis yesterday. They were in a restaurant. Florida or not, we would’ve suggested a T-shirt for The Girl. She’s welcome to make her own apparel decisions. If she decides to go to a restaurant in her underwear, she can eat in her bedroom. Her choice.
- Hanukkah is early this year, right? I read that the concurrence of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Depending on the source (or your math skills), the next time this might be possible will be the year 2165. Chag Sameach!
- We don’t have any iDevices or electronics on Christmas lists this year. It’s not that our house is overrun by such things. For some reason, they simply didn’t make the cut. Don’t be too impressed. The Girl’s list includes a Sleep Number bed, a swimming pool and a Jeep Wrangler. Sixteen million dollars in unclaimed lotto winnings, sitting in Tampa.
- Although Facebook makes it seem season-specific, being thankful shouldn’t be. As Valentine’s Day reminds us to love and birthdays remind us to celebrate, Thanksgiving is a good post-it note. Give thanks. Eat, drink and be merry with your people. Cheers, y’all!
As most Southerners pull up to the table this Thanksgiving and bless the food with friends and family, chances are there will be at least one dish that features one of these most beloved ingredients of the South: mayonnaise, JELL-O, Cool Whip, mini marshmallows or Velveeta cheese. Southerners
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“Joe Mullins assumes his position on Austin’s office wall. See you next week!”
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