- My daughter got bitten by a snake last week. Until I heard the details I was worried. Days before, a friend of ours was bitten by a copperhead in his driveway.
- The Girl wasn’t bitten by a copperhead. The snake was, however, in our house.
- The Boy told me he loves me more than steak. I asked about bacon. He said, “Well, you have to understand that bacon is like my favorite food.”
- We’ve started spending Thanksgiving at the beach. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days anyway, but turkey and dressing taste better oceanfront at sunset.
- We drove to south Florida. It’s not a bad drive if you make it in the average estimated time. If you somehow miss the splitting of I-75 and the Florida Turnpike: game changer.
- Yes there was a GPS in use. When the split happened, we were on a stretch of highway with very, very bad cell phone reception. Our GPS lady temporarily stopped guiding us.
- We crossed Florida once, going from Jacksonville to the Tampa area. By the time we realized our mistake, we’d gotten back to Orlando. I’m sure central Florida is a lovely place. At night, with two tired kids and two even more tired parents, it just isn’t. Knowing your nine-hour trip will now take 12 prompts a quick search for the corkscrew. (Kidding. We waited.)
- If with every minute, your predicted travel time increases by 15 minutes, a slight panic is necessary. Maybe a little cussing, too. Earmuffs, kids. Next year, when we win the lottery, we’re flying. Our overstuffed carful of luggage will take its own plane.
- Last week, someone let their winning lotto ticket go to waste. It expired. Sixteen million dollars went unclaimed. In Tampa, Florida. The irony isn’t lost on me.
- I hear we’re having some of the coldest temps so far this year while we’re away from Augusta. As someone who detests cold weather, I’m not at all sad. I won’t brag about the temperatures in Florida. Let’s just say this: it’s warmer than 78 degrees.
- I don’t mean to offend, but Florida is different from the rest of the United States. There are hundreds of reasons, most of them obvious, but a blanket statement makes the point. It’s not bad, really, just different.
- We did see some 12-ish-year-old girls eating lunch in their itty bitty bikinis yesterday. They were in a restaurant. Florida or not, we would’ve suggested a T-shirt for The Girl. She’s welcome to make her own apparel decisions. If she decides to go to a restaurant in her underwear, she can eat in her bedroom. Her choice.
- Hanukkah is early this year, right? I read that the concurrence of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Depending on the source (or your math skills), the next time this might be possible will be the year 2165. Chag Sameach!
- We don’t have any iDevices or electronics on Christmas lists this year. It’s not that our house is overrun by such things. For some reason, they simply didn’t make the cut. Don’t be too impressed. The Girl’s list includes a Sleep Number bed, a swimming pool and a Jeep Wrangler. Sixteen million dollars in unclaimed lotto winnings, sitting in Tampa.
- Although Facebook makes it seem season-specific, being thankful shouldn’t be. As Valentine’s Day reminds us to love and birthdays remind us to celebrate, Thanksgiving is a good post-it note. Give thanks. Eat, drink and be merry with your people. Cheers, y’all!
I lie to my kids sometimes. Not about important things, though. I tell them the truth about news they hear. When the Sandy Hook tragedy occurred, they knew what really happened. They were sad for the kids whose lives were lost. I don’t hide veggies in their food. It might work, but it doesn’t
The replacement window game in Augusta is vicious. Maybe vicious isn’t the right term. Maybe it’s just competitive. Either way, I now know more about windows than I ever cared to know. We knew when we bought our house a couple years ago that this would be something we’d have to deal with soon.
I had hoped I would not have to deliver this news, but it sounds as though there is virtually no chance the man many call “the very best teacher in Richmond County” will professionally survive the scandal involving his son’s on-campus music video shoot. Ben Isaac, or Ike, as I
There is no denying it. A lot of people across the river from North Augusta seriously doubted that Project Jackson was going to move forward. The main reason for the skepticism was the growing success of downtown Augusta. “Say, what?” some of you might be asking. Well, believe it or not,
Let’s be honest: exploring the local area’s dining options is hardly the worst gig in the world. In fact, it’s been a pleasure more often than not. We get asked questions. “What’s been your best/worst/weirdest meal?” “What wouldn’t you eat?” Those are easy. The one that can’t be answered,
I think men can do more than one thing at once, but maybe they’d rather not. Ask my husband what he talks about when he plays golf. They talk about golf. He’s played with our priest a couple of times. I was sure they had an enlightening and inspiring conversation about God and such. Nope. […]
Raising teenagers ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Actually, come to think of it, it’s exactly what it’s cracked up to be. Everything that I’ve been told about raising teenagers is coming true. It’s hell. It’s frustrating. It’s agonizing. And my parents are getting their wish: I’m raising a
Just as I am sitting down to transfer this week’s column into pixels, the bulletin hit my laptop like a blaster hitting a womp rat: “Carrie Fisher… Dead at 60.” Just damn. It may be time for me to find that life-sized cutout of Princess Leia in her slave girl outfit I
Every Christmas since we’ve had kids has made me reflect on Christmases of my own childhood. So many memories. The year that my brother and I got our Nintendo was a great one. There was also the year that we got up a little too early and had to wait until all the presents were […]
It was personal information that was devastating, and there is no doubt that it was true. It exposed hideous and highly immoral behavior and unspeakable language that was never intended for the public at large to ever read or hear. It was private communication between individuals who never
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care… Ha. No they weren’t. I say “weren’t,” because, hopefully, by the time you read this, they will be. We are always behind this time of year. That’s not new. What’s new is the fact that Christmas is less than one week away, and my tree isn’t […]
2016 has been a strange year. We’ve all seen what’s been going on. Probably the most glaring thing is that we’ve been losing our legends: Muhammed Ali, David Bowie, Arnold Palmer, Alan Rickman, Alan Thicke, Prince… Friggin’ Prince! The list goes on and on; so many iconic legends in all
I turned 39 at the beginning of this month. Some people are cool with getting older. I’m not one of them. I was told by someone that “40 is the new 20.” Uhh, no. You might be able to get away with 30 being the new 20 but, 40 is 40. Always has been, always […]
I cannot account for many of the Christmas Eves in the life of Bobby Brewer, but I can tell you where he was for about a half dozen of them about 35 years ago: The Rhodes Family Christmas Eve Parties at 1206 Oakdale Road, Augusta, Georgia. From 1966 through 1994 those parties were an annual
It’s a tale as old as time: No matter what the occasion might be, it’s next to impossible to find a meaningful gift for a man. Women, on one hand, put too much pressure on themselves to find that perfect something. Men, on the other, just go out and buy for themselves whatever they want. […]
Oh, I like this lady. I like her a lot. Natalie Spires Paine. Augusta area native. Lakeside High School graduate. Wife. Mom. Assistant District Attorney. Five feet, eight inches of “prosecutorial badass” (those exact words from one of my law enforcement buddies).
My birthday was last week. I didn’t really call attention to it because I think I’m not supposed to. My dad was always kind of “meh” about his birthday, so I feel like that’s what I’m supposed to do. Plus, there’s the fact that I’m a grown man and all. We’re supposed to just be […]
The election of Donald Trump is the gift that keeps on giving! Just when I think he can’t top the things he has already publicly said and done to confound pundits, career bureaucrats and the media elite, I’ll be damned if he doesn’t step right up and knock another one over the
It was just a few years ago when America’s gasoline prices were through the roof, with little hope for the trend to reverse in the foreseeable future. In the summer of 2008, gas prices reached the highest mark in our country’s history, with prices averaging at $4.11 a gallon. That
Cowgirl Sparkly Witch Zombie Harry Potter Kitty took a break this year. It’s a shame, because she was going to add a unicorn horn. She trick or treated as Glam Kitty. Sweet and simple. The Boy insisted on gore. He was Zipperface again. Snapchat filter and emoji costumes were all over the place.