- What a year it’s been. Through the good and bad, the funny and well, not-so, we made it. All of us. At least we can say that much. Let’s review.
- The Beer Fest was people-watching at its best. My favorite story of the day (well, that I can share here) was when a man was trying to convince his wife to try a new beer. “Honey, you should try Yeungling Light! You love Miller Lite, so I think you’ll like this one just fine.” I’m not judging anyone’s taste in beer, you see. It’s just that there were so many other choices. Over 50 breweries were represented there. If I wanted something I could pick up at the jiffy store, I’d have picked it up at the jiffy store and saved the $40 entrance fee. That’s all I’m saying. (January)
- Once again, The Kids brought store-bought Valentines to their friends at school. They cost $1 a box on sale at Walgreens. If The Kids are happy, I am too. We did splurge and buy Fun Dip to give out as well. The trend of handmade Pinterest inspired Valentines seems to be waning. We only got one this year. It was appreciated, but not anymore than the Transformers hologram or Hello Kitty tattoo. (February)
- After a friend mentioned that she was giving up yelling during Lent, I thought that might be good for us. We don’t yell all the time, and it’s certainly not our only way of communicating with our kids, but it’s the most effective. Just the other day, everyone was taking their time eating breakfast before school. I hate the morning rush, but if we’re going to get to school on time, The Kids need a nudge. I asked, “Can y’all please hurry? You can still talk to each other, but make sure we’re in forward motion.” I used a friendly, patient tone. I repeated the same thing, in the same tone at least 10 times. Once I was ready to leave the house, they (of course) were not. I used a more, uh, forceful tone, and they finished almost immediately. (February)
- The other day, my tennis team had a match at Newman Tennis Center. When we arrived, after parking in the upper lot between the courts and Forest Hills Golf Course, we were asked to move our cars or be towed. We have always parked there. I understand that Forest Hills GC is a sort of private facility (run by the city?), I really do. I also understand that Newman is a city owned facility. It was Wednesday morning at 9 a.m. Those parking spaces weren’t in high demand. I’m sure there’s a “good” reason for this, but to me, it looks like silliness. When we asked the Newman employee about it, she said she didn’t “know why, but they would definitely tow our cars.” If it had been a Saturday morning or Masters Week, the spaces might have been needed by FHGC. It wasn’t, though. We needed approximately eight spaces. Instead, we moved our cars across the nearly empty parking lot. Talk about pedaling the bike backwards. Seriously, Augusta. (March)
- Unfortunately, the face of the Boston marathon has changed forever. Athletes who once ran with optimism and pride will always have fear. The race, which has a deep history, continuing through two World Wars, will now be a memorial. Patriot’s Day, a great day of celebration in Boston, will be a sad day of remembrance. (April)
- I’m thankful for the teachers who protect and comfort their students when tragedy strikes. Parents and grandparents relinquish control and care every day, and you stand up to the challenge. (May)
- I hate to even bring it up, since he hasn’t been convicted yet. But I will. The accused flasher story is so weird, Augusta. It was one thing for him to have shown his bits once. Turns out he may have done it several times, in several counties. Yuck. Hey buddy? If we wanted to see it, we’d ask. From what I’ve heard, it might’ve been hard to see anyway. Even if you didn’t do it, you’ve done something to make people think you’re sketchy. Here’s some advice. Stop THAT. Whatever it is. (July)
- Did you know that people are having Stock the Dorm parties? They register and everything. On the invitation, it lists the link to their registry. It’s like a wedding, only crappier. Um, if you need a prettier dorm, either get a job or deal with a set of 200-thread-count sheets. (August)
- I’d teach you how to make vodka watermelon, but I don’t want to influence any underage people out there. You can probably guess the recipe, but there IS a secret ingredient. (September)
- When your boy asks, “Are you fascinated by penises?” You’d better hope you aren’t distracted, ‘cause he could really mean “phoenixes,” as he’s been studying Greek mythology in his spare time. Pay attention; you’d hate to go down an unnecessary road. (September)
- Did you know Augusta hosts the largest Half-Ironman in the world? Nearly 3,500 athletes and their trainers and families were here. Many of the remarked about what a great place we have, and how there’s such potential. Let’s make it happen. (October)
- I saw that there are now sexy costume versions of just about anything. One can go dressed as the always in demand sexy slice of pizza or ketchup bottle. Or when it’s sexy, is it catsup? I came across a sexy skunk costume, too. Nothing turns a man on more than a woman who sprays a foul odor from her glands. (November)
- I don’t mean to offend, but Florida is different from the rest of the United States. There are hundreds of reasons, most of them obvious, but a blanket statement makes the point. It’s not bad, really, just different. (December)
- Please remember that New Year’s Eve is amateur night. Find a sober driver and be safe. Glad tidings and peace to you and yours, y’all. Love your people, people. Cheers.
I lie to my kids sometimes. Not about important things, though. I tell them the truth about news they hear. When the Sandy Hook tragedy occurred, they knew what really happened. They were sad for the kids whose lives were lost. I don’t hide veggies in their food. It might work, but it doesn’t
The replacement window game in Augusta is vicious. Maybe vicious isn’t the right term. Maybe it’s just competitive. Either way, I now know more about windows than I ever cared to know. We knew when we bought our house a couple years ago that this would be something we’d have to deal with soon.
I had hoped I would not have to deliver this news, but it sounds as though there is virtually no chance the man many call “the very best teacher in Richmond County” will professionally survive the scandal involving his son’s on-campus music video shoot. Ben Isaac, or Ike, as I
There is no denying it. A lot of people across the river from North Augusta seriously doubted that Project Jackson was going to move forward. The main reason for the skepticism was the growing success of downtown Augusta. “Say, what?” some of you might be asking. Well, believe it or not,
Let’s be honest: exploring the local area’s dining options is hardly the worst gig in the world. In fact, it’s been a pleasure more often than not. We get asked questions. “What’s been your best/worst/weirdest meal?” “What wouldn’t you eat?” Those are easy. The one that can’t be answered,
I think men can do more than one thing at once, but maybe they’d rather not. Ask my husband what he talks about when he plays golf. They talk about golf. He’s played with our priest a couple of times. I was sure they had an enlightening and inspiring conversation about God and such. Nope. […]
Raising teenagers ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Actually, come to think of it, it’s exactly what it’s cracked up to be. Everything that I’ve been told about raising teenagers is coming true. It’s hell. It’s frustrating. It’s agonizing. And my parents are getting their wish: I’m raising a
Just as I am sitting down to transfer this week’s column into pixels, the bulletin hit my laptop like a blaster hitting a womp rat: “Carrie Fisher… Dead at 60.” Just damn. It may be time for me to find that life-sized cutout of Princess Leia in her slave girl outfit I
Every Christmas since we’ve had kids has made me reflect on Christmases of my own childhood. So many memories. The year that my brother and I got our Nintendo was a great one. There was also the year that we got up a little too early and had to wait until all the presents were […]
It was personal information that was devastating, and there is no doubt that it was true. It exposed hideous and highly immoral behavior and unspeakable language that was never intended for the public at large to ever read or hear. It was private communication between individuals who never
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care… Ha. No they weren’t. I say “weren’t,” because, hopefully, by the time you read this, they will be. We are always behind this time of year. That’s not new. What’s new is the fact that Christmas is less than one week away, and my tree isn’t […]
2016 has been a strange year. We’ve all seen what’s been going on. Probably the most glaring thing is that we’ve been losing our legends: Muhammed Ali, David Bowie, Arnold Palmer, Alan Rickman, Alan Thicke, Prince… Friggin’ Prince! The list goes on and on; so many iconic legends in all
I turned 39 at the beginning of this month. Some people are cool with getting older. I’m not one of them. I was told by someone that “40 is the new 20.” Uhh, no. You might be able to get away with 30 being the new 20 but, 40 is 40. Always has been, always […]
I cannot account for many of the Christmas Eves in the life of Bobby Brewer, but I can tell you where he was for about a half dozen of them about 35 years ago: The Rhodes Family Christmas Eve Parties at 1206 Oakdale Road, Augusta, Georgia. From 1966 through 1994 those parties were an annual
It’s a tale as old as time: No matter what the occasion might be, it’s next to impossible to find a meaningful gift for a man. Women, on one hand, put too much pressure on themselves to find that perfect something. Men, on the other, just go out and buy for themselves whatever they want. […]
Oh, I like this lady. I like her a lot. Natalie Spires Paine. Augusta area native. Lakeside High School graduate. Wife. Mom. Assistant District Attorney. Five feet, eight inches of “prosecutorial badass” (those exact words from one of my law enforcement buddies).
My birthday was last week. I didn’t really call attention to it because I think I’m not supposed to. My dad was always kind of “meh” about his birthday, so I feel like that’s what I’m supposed to do. Plus, there’s the fact that I’m a grown man and all. We’re supposed to just be […]
The election of Donald Trump is the gift that keeps on giving! Just when I think he can’t top the things he has already publicly said and done to confound pundits, career bureaucrats and the media elite, I’ll be damned if he doesn’t step right up and knock another one over the
It was just a few years ago when America’s gasoline prices were through the roof, with little hope for the trend to reverse in the foreseeable future. In the summer of 2008, gas prices reached the highest mark in our country’s history, with prices averaging at $4.11 a gallon. That
Cowgirl Sparkly Witch Zombie Harry Potter Kitty took a break this year. It’s a shame, because she was going to add a unicorn horn. She trick or treated as Glam Kitty. Sweet and simple. The Boy insisted on gore. He was Zipperface again. Snapchat filter and emoji costumes were all over the place.