- When your son puts on a suit for the first time, it’s a big deal. If you see him shaking the groom’s hand, congratulating him on such a lovely wedding, grab the tissues.
- Even though you okayed having her ears pierced, you’ll cry.
- For the moms out there who hate me for changing my “You have to be 10 before your ears will be pierced” rule, The Girl broke a terrible habit of biting her fingernails. I gave her a goal that meant something, and she did it. She deserved earrings.
- Once you give the go-ahead, there’s no talking an excited, almost-eight-year-old out of piercing her ears. When the piercer has shaky hands and can’t draw the purple dot on your daughter’s lobe, don’t panic. Do ask for another employee to come make sure the dots are symmetrical. If all goes well, these holes will be there, like, forever.
- When she goes to squeeze that little gun (yes, just one at a time because the other one is broken) try and ignore the tears of your already nervous babygirl when the piercer struggles bit. Let’s just say it wasn’t “quick” like taking off a band-aid or something.
- When the same babygirl cries because they still have to do the other ear, employ her brother and friends to entertain her. It won’t work, but you’ll feel better. Summon that backup employee again.
- When you see how different she looks with earrings, you might regret it, but her satisfaction from earning such a big prize is worth it. You’ll be proud, too.
- When you walk past a mirror anytime for, say, the next week or so, she will stop and admire herself in the mirror. She’ll make comments about being beautiful. When you’re tempted to remind her that earrings don’t make a person pretty, and it’s what’s on the inside that counts, stop. Let her have this one.
- As for the employee at the mall ear piercing place, can you practice on a steak or something?
- To the guy, um, making himself happy next to the tennis courts at our match the other day. You are nasty. When we yelled, “someone call the police!” we weren’t bluffing. The police came. We have your number. I beg you to come back, but not because I want to see you again. The next time, you won’t get away.
- If you live anywhere north of Georgia, you laugh when we shut down because of possible impending wintry mixes. To us, it’s no joke. We don’t have snow plows or winter clothes. Why would we? This happens to us once a year, if that. I’m not buying my quickly growing children snow pants and winter boots. You win. Your winter is colder. I don’t want your winter.
- Rain boots are southern snow shoes.
- Fact: people drink more milk when it snows. It’s a tie between eggs and bread for most popular snack. I’m not buying it. I go straight for the wine and dark chocolate.
- No matter what you think about how we react to snow, know this: We think it’s that cool, every single time. We’ll make snow angels out of a dusting and post pics on Instagram.
- There’s a button in my car that says SNOW. I’m not exactly sure what its intended purpose is, but I pushed it. It snowed. My children think I’m magic. I’m goin’ with it. Cheers!
All right, folks. Let’s get one thing straight: Columbia County employees don’t need 20 all-access tickets to shows held in the Columbia County Exhibition Center. The county owns the facility. If employees from the county’s Community & Leisure Services Division need access to the exhibition
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We survived our family’s birthday season. The Boy is 11, The Puppy is 1 and The Girl is 9. Mama and Daddy’s birthdays don’t matter, and that’s okay. We still have two parties to host, but they’re low key. His is low key. He doesn’t even like for people to sing to him in public. […]
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Dear Mr. Mayor: Rough week, huh? You found out the hard way that no matter what “deals or arrangements” you have with your fellow elected officials, if you don’t have those discussions in the light of day, and hopefully in front of lots of witnesses (and reporters), you might
Because I’m lazy and kind of an idiot, I thought about churning out another tired post-Academy Awards column this week. And, seeing as how I’m certainly not above sentencing low-hanging fruit to death by katana — to the best of my recollection, one year’s Oscar fallout column dealt exclusively
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Years from now, the world will look back on February 26, 2015, as the day that the Internet began to die. Today, the FCC reclassifies the Internet as a common carrier service and imposes archaic 1930s-era regulation upon the most innovative and creative culture since the Renaissance. Very soon,
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I had the strangest day last week. It was Valentine’s Day, which is usually pretty uneventful for us. We don’t do much to celebrate, besides buying candy for the kids and drinking a nice bottle of wine. When we were first married, we went out to dinner around the 14th, but never on the actual
Despite the best efforts of a few dinosaurs, it appears the federal courts will soon be bulldozing the last restrictions on same-sex marriage in America. Alabama’s restrictions will soon be history, and you better believe Georgia’s won’t be far behind. I got over my misguided
Watching the Grammy Awards is always an interesting experience for me. I say “interesting” because the truth is that it falls somewhere between “enlightening” and “confounding,” and I’m not certain there’s a single adjective in any language besides Everyday Dog that aptly captures that feeling.
What is up with all the funerals lately? I’m kidding. The past week has been unusual, though. And yes, unusual equals sad, too. I’m not a total jerk. I mean, people die. It’s part of life. Sometimes, though, it seems like death is everywhere. It feels like more than we can handle. A friend’s
Hey, did you guys watch the Super Bowl? Yeah, me neither. It’s not that I’m anti-sports or anti-violent-sports — I mean, jeez, my go-to topic when I’m hard up for a column idea is a haphazard philosophical dissection of face-punching — but I just find it so damn difficult to care about the
It’s hard to believe a year has passed since that crazy ice storm. So far, we’ve escaped the wrath of a nasty winter. I probably just jinxed us. Whoopsie. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I hate winter. The clothes are fun for a few weeks, but the cold depresses me. Please […]
So, I’m not going to write any more of my sappy, mushy, “don’t make me puke,” “oh you’re one of THOSE people,” positive columns anymore. I’ve done it at least three times now and each time I wrote it, the metaphorical poop has hit the ever-lovin’ fan. Two weeks ago I wrote “I try to […]
If you are sitting back at a distance, watching the current school rezoning squabbles in Columbia County, thinking that it is “much ado about nothing,” don’t be too quick to dismiss the discord. Similar “small” skirmishes in our metro area have given birth to
It was around the 15-second mark of the UFC on Fox main event between Anthony Johnson and Alexander Gustaffson that the narrative began to change — if that’s too ominous or definitive, then let’s say that a glint of alternate reality began to slip through into our universe. At about that time,