- When your son puts on a suit for the first time, it’s a big deal. If you see him shaking the groom’s hand, congratulating him on such a lovely wedding, grab the tissues.
- Even though you okayed having her ears pierced, you’ll cry.
- For the moms out there who hate me for changing my “You have to be 10 before your ears will be pierced” rule, The Girl broke a terrible habit of biting her fingernails. I gave her a goal that meant something, and she did it. She deserved earrings.
- Once you give the go-ahead, there’s no talking an excited, almost-eight-year-old out of piercing her ears. When the piercer has shaky hands and can’t draw the purple dot on your daughter’s lobe, don’t panic. Do ask for another employee to come make sure the dots are symmetrical. If all goes well, these holes will be there, like, forever.
- When she goes to squeeze that little gun (yes, just one at a time because the other one is broken) try and ignore the tears of your already nervous babygirl when the piercer struggles bit. Let’s just say it wasn’t “quick” like taking off a band-aid or something.
- When the same babygirl cries because they still have to do the other ear, employ her brother and friends to entertain her. It won’t work, but you’ll feel better. Summon that backup employee again.
- When you see how different she looks with earrings, you might regret it, but her satisfaction from earning such a big prize is worth it. You’ll be proud, too.
- When you walk past a mirror anytime for, say, the next week or so, she will stop and admire herself in the mirror. She’ll make comments about being beautiful. When you’re tempted to remind her that earrings don’t make a person pretty, and it’s what’s on the inside that counts, stop. Let her have this one.
- As for the employee at the mall ear piercing place, can you practice on a steak or something?
- To the guy, um, making himself happy next to the tennis courts at our match the other day. You are nasty. When we yelled, “someone call the police!” we weren’t bluffing. The police came. We have your number. I beg you to come back, but not because I want to see you again. The next time, you won’t get away.
- If you live anywhere north of Georgia, you laugh when we shut down because of possible impending wintry mixes. To us, it’s no joke. We don’t have snow plows or winter clothes. Why would we? This happens to us once a year, if that. I’m not buying my quickly growing children snow pants and winter boots. You win. Your winter is colder. I don’t want your winter.
- Rain boots are southern snow shoes.
- Fact: people drink more milk when it snows. It’s a tie between eggs and bread for most popular snack. I’m not buying it. I go straight for the wine and dark chocolate.
- No matter what you think about how we react to snow, know this: We think it’s that cool, every single time. We’ll make snow angels out of a dusting and post pics on Instagram.
- There’s a button in my car that says SNOW. I’m not exactly sure what its intended purpose is, but I pushed it. It snowed. My children think I’m magic. I’m goin’ with it. Cheers!
Before I expound on this week’s tidbits, another apology on my behalf to Dr. Ron Jowers and his staff for incorrectly reporting his prescription privileges had been curtailed by the Drug Enforcement Agency. As you see in the attached correction/clarification, I was given some inaccurate
I recently had another one of my Griswoldian adventures, a brief moment in life where my luck closely resembles that of Clark W. Griswold. I’ve written about these from time to time. Today will be another entry into the journal of shame. I have three kids in sports this fall. Quite ambitious, I
Around middle school, I was way, way into Choose Your Own Adventure Books. At that point in my life, it was just beginning to occur to me that, despite every grown-up I knew telling me that I could “be anything I wanted to be,” the amount of control I exerted over my own future was, […]
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Click Here to cast your vote for Metro’s Best 2015!
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Ushering in the fall season is a series of jazz concerts hosted by the Unitarian Universalist Church on Walton Way Extension. The UU kicks off its second Four Seasons Chamber Jazz Series with renowned saxophonist and vocalist Layla Angulo and local favorite Edwin Eddybeat Hamilton this Friday,
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I’ve been putting off writing about Robbie Lawler for a few weeks now, even in the immediate aftermath of his welterweight title-defending win over Rory MacDonald at UFC 189 in July. The fight-think piece aspect of this column has been making something of a comeback in recent months, and I’m
September in Augusta is busy, y’all. The sticky heat starts subsiding, and we all want to be outside. Here’s a bit of good news. There’s a lot going on around here! One weekend, jam packed with events, sparked a big discussion on a local information Facebook page. If you want to check it out,
This past weekend, the N.W.A. biopic “Straight Outta Compton” hit theaters, raking in nearly $60 million in its opening weekend, a record for an R-rated film in the month of August. All this, despite Paul Giamatti wearing a hairpiece that makes him look like the father of both Ted Danson and
A registered letter arrived this week, with a “demand” that I cease and desist “communicating information about Mr. (Joe) Mullins that you know to be false.” Okay. Along the same lines I can “cease and desist” tap dancing with koala bears, partying with Vanna
Toward the end of last year, our family adopted a stray kitten. This was not a planned event. On the scale of cosmic coincidences, this would certainly qualify as a “fortuitous moment.” Apparently, a poor little kitten escaped from a nearby litter. While this would result in certain doom for
We celebrated the first birthday of the kids’ fall birthday gauntlet last weekend. I call it the fall gauntlet because the spring gauntlet is for the adults’ birthdays. I don’t know how, but it just kind of worked out that way. Most of the adults in my life have spring birthdays. Most of the
I know, I know. Carpool is a b*!@#! Your school’s carpool takes the longest. The carpool line outside of your neighborhood is the worst. No one understands what you’re going through. Yes we do. We all do. I hate to bring carpool up for a second or third time in as many years, but believe […]
Last night, my wife and I were sitting at home and watching reruns of “The Amazing Race” from 20 seasons ago, because sometimes the darkness naught but consumes us all and it’s best to just give in to the madness. For whatever reason, she brought up the official Marco Rubio website on her phone
My kids have been back in school for a week now. I learn new stuff about their schools each year. Sometimes, I re-learn things that I had forgotten over the summer months. Either way, here are some of those things: My kids love the thought of getting up way earlier than they have to. Each […]
When you truly love something, it’s difficult to understand limitations — your own, the ones of those around you, the very limited ability of that which you love to change anything outside the confines of its own microcosm. Public works, education, literature, you name it; it’s hard to quantify
It’s hot. This summer was hot. Y’all know I don’t complain about the heat, but it’s hot. Our house has even been hot, and I think that’s what makes me lose my mind. The July power bill is due to arrive any day, and I’m scared. Does anyone else feel like they can smell dollar […]