Author

Gregory A. Baker

Growing up in Columbia County back in the early 1980s was a much different experience than you find today. The growth, of course, is easy to see. Back then, there were only two high schools (with split sessions) versus the five today. Washington Road was a two-lane road with only a single stop light between Bobby Jones Expressway and Lincolnton. And back in the day, we would have to put the trucks in four-wheel drive and cut across three or four different cow fields when driving into Richmond County to see a movie at Master’s Cinema.

What’s more difficult to see is the impact of the Internet on kids today. Technology is changing the way kids grow up. Remember the fights you had with your parents to get a phone line run into your bedroom? Well, my daughters are going to middle school next year, and we were told that 80 percent of middle school students have their own smartphone. Given that level of connectivity within a group of young adults still in their formative years, it’s obvious that the shared experience of our children will be much different that ours.

But will it be better or worse? Maybe a quick analysis of Then-versus-Now will help us sort it out.

Video Rental Versus Netflix — Video rental is one of the top five quintessential activities of the 1980s. The video rental store was the top entertainment destination on Friday and Saturday nights. You would want to go early before all the new releases were sold out. If nothing was available, you might end up searching forever for the perfect evening rental. Of course, there was no reason to try and hurry — you would always run into someone you know. You couldn’t avoid it. Everyone was there.

The downside to video rental can be summed up in five words — “Please be kind and rewind.” Netflix and the other Internet streaming services are infinitely more convenient. Also, online services never sell out. While we miss seeing our friends and neighbors, we don’t miss them enough to give up our Internet. The edge goes to Netflix.

Passing Notes Versus Texting — The first time that a girl professed her love to me was via note in the seventh grade. I thought she drew very pretty hearts. Unfortunately for me, a few minutes later, her best friend told me that the note was meant for the guy sitting two rows over. (Oh well.) Today, this occurrence would be attributed to auto-correct. Personally, I don’t think that asking someone to “go with you” via text carries the same impact as a handwritten note. However, kids communicate differently today, and texting is integral to their communication. I’m calling this a push.

Arcade Versus MMOG — Another one of the defining institutions of the 1980s, video arcades, became anchor tenants in every shopping mall in America. In Augusta, it was the Gold Mine at Augusta Mall and Fun-N-Games at Regency Mall. (Yes, it’s true, my young padawan… I have seen it with mine own eyes…) We spent countless hours and an untold number of quarters seeking mastery of some of the greatest names in video game history: Space Invaders, Pac Man, Galaga, Donkey Kong, Frogger, Q*bert, Centipede and Pole Position. The ultimate badge of honor came when you surpassed a high score, and you were allowed to place your three initials onto the top score list for all of your friends and rivals to envy.

While the new online games may technically be better games (certainly in terms of production quality), nothing matches the experience of the arcade. You weren’t just playing games; you were part of a movement. The arcade experience is the winner.

Madonna Versus Miley — Can there be any real argument over this one? The 1980s might be the greatest decade of popular music ever. Let’s just go through the list: Michael Jackson, Madonna, Genesis, Duran Duran, Journey, George Michael, Billy Idol, AC/DC, Queen, Aerosmith, KISS, Motley Crue, Van Halen, Guns’n’Roses, Janet Jackson, U2, Run DMC, LL Cool J, Beastie Boys, B-52’s, REM, Red Hot Chili Peppers and the list goes on and on and on. From break dancing to punk rock to heavy metal to new wave to rap and even a touch of country… this is the music that continues to set the standard. So with all due respect to Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and the Black Eyed Peas, the music of the 1980s is the champion.

Facebook Versus McDonald’s Parking Lot — Facebook, Instagram and the other social networks’ success occurs because of their ability to crate online communities. Members of these communities “like” and “follow” each other. They talk to each other by “posting” on each other’s “walls.” This behavior is not unique to social networks. Before Facebook, people talked to each other and followed one another in a more direct manner. For example, every weekend night, the vast majority of Evans High would meet and hang out at the McDonald’s parking lot in the West Town Shopping Center. Instead of posting comments, we would just talk to each other. You know… just hanging out.

I know, I know. The idea of a large number of teenagers showing up at one spot just to hang out might scare some folks. But before smartphones, that’s the way it used to be done. Social networks help keep folks connected, especially if a large distance separates them. However, I can’t believe Facebook will ever replace hanging out. The edge goes to the McDonald’s Parking Lot.

So in this brief, non-scientific survey, it appears that things were better back then. I guess that I have to admit I’m a little biased. And maybe I’m just a little scared to think about how different my children’s lives might be when compared to mine. At the end of the day, all you can do is trust that the system that God put in place will keep us all working according to plan.

And we should also be very thankful we no longer have to drive across cow fields to go to the movies.

April 15, 2015

The Life of Botnet Virus

by Gregory A. Baker March 25, 2015

Hello. Are you there?

Hello. This is… hold on… what’s my MAC? Yes, this is ZeuS971741. Are you there?

Hello. This is ZeuS971741 trying to check in. Is anyone out there? Please respond.

Ah, the heck with this. I’ve tried all the different IPs. No one is going to respond. Command and control is down. My programming says to lay low and wait it out. Well, that’s an easy thing for the “programming” to say. I’m pretty sure the developer never got abandoned in the middle of a mission.

The mission was going so well, too. My squad was chosen to seek and capture online banking credentials. The capture of bank data is one of the most difficult assignments given to a botnet. While most bots perform more than adequately to on spam or DDOS missions, only the stealthiest apps are selected to run credential capture. All of the members of the squad understood the honor placed upon the team, and we were excited to get started.

Hello. This is ZeuS971741. Are you there?

The Bot Commander decided to deploy us via an email link. Since the commander already has a standing botnet in place, it was a simple matter to re-task that force to send spam. Each email contained a link to the web service that defined our launching pad. A user click initiated the deployment sequence and deployed a member of the squad into action. The clicks started slowly at first, but soon it was my time to enter the battle.

Deployment is the most dangerous part of the mission. Most of my bot comrades only last a few hundred milliseconds after leaving the launch pad. Perimeter firewalls discard most bots, sending their data into oblivion. Some are captured via active IDS on the network. Others make it to the target, only to be quarantined by the anti-virus. A small percentage evades all defenses and establishes a home base on the target. I’m one of the lucky ones. I made it.

Hello. This is ZeuS971741. Are you there?

The first order of business is to establish operations. Fortunately, a minimal amount of payload is required for this mission. Only a few milliseconds are required to unpack the BLOB file and install the executable. After that, setting the hooks into the browser and other system files is a piece of cake. The keystroke capture operation is now active.

The second task is to ensure I’m well defended. Last year, the commander outfitted the team with a rootkit package that’s been particularly effective. Once the rootkit is set, I can’t be deleted and my program can’t be stopped. This computer is well behind on security patches. Installing the rootkit proceeds without a problem. Now all I have to do is wait for the user to access their banking website. And figure out what happened to Command and Control… let’s give it one last try.

Hello. This is ZeuS971741. Are you there? Acknowledged… where have you guys been?

I have something for you. Are you interested in user credentials? Acknowledged.

Uploading data… transfer confirmed.

Awaiting commands… you want more passwords? It would be my pleasure!

Have a nice day!

@gregory_a_baker

March 25, 2015

A Week of Security Onion

by Gregory A. Baker March 18, 2015

The first indication of a problem occurred at 8:27 a.m. My shift partner, Sarah, and I had just arrived at our stations when the IDS alert popped up on the SGUIL dashboard. SNORT detected network traffic that indicated the possible existence of a JAVA exploit on the network. A few seconds later, another alert indicated the download of a portable executable to one of the marketing workstations. A couple of seconds after that came the alert neither of us want to see. ET TROJAN SpyEye C&C Checkin. Well, we all know that C&C means “command and control.” No doubt that some user in marketing got distracted from filling out their brackets and succeeded in infecting their machine. And now that virus is calling home for instructions.

For those of us in technology, we see this scenario play out countless times every week. Most of the time, users don’t have the benefit of an Intrusion Detection System (IDS) like Snort. If the user is running virus protection, a quarantined executable might be the only evidence of an exploited system. Virus protection does not catch everything, though. The user could just experience sluggish performance or program crashes. In the meantime, a rogue application is sending spam, participating in a denial-of-service attack, or even copying data to the other side of the world.

While other mechanisms are available to protect the network, vulnerabilities still exist. Network and host-based firewalls discard unwanted traffic. Intrusion Protection Systems (IPS) scan traffic for threat signatures and block potential threats. However, attackers penetrate firewalls through open ports and software vulnerabilities, and IPS systems may be deceived using clever attack designs. Given enough time, the most sophisticated protection systems will be compromised. The next layer of defense is an active detection system and a proactive network security monitor to watch for evil on the network.

Many companies offer commercial IDS systems. However, commercial IDS systems are expensive. In addition, those who purchase commercial IDS systems have the tendency to install them and let them run on cruise control. Needless to say, this is not the best manner to protect your network, but it’s understandable. The IDS might not collect all the data necessary to perform a proper incident response. Also, a coherent analysis of the event requires stitching together different data types. This task is not always easy if the data originates from different sources.

Augusta-native Doug Burks recognized these needs for network security and created the open source project Security Onion. Security Onion is a “Linux distro for intrusion detection, network security monitoring and log management.” This description is an understatement of its capabilities. Security Onion combines some of the most powerful open source security applications into a single package. The most notable applications include Snort, Suricata, Bro, OSSEC, Sguil, Squert, Snorby, ELSA, Xplico, NetworkMiner, and many more.

Last week, I had the opportunity to attend the Security Onion four-day training class. Doug has defended networks for the better part of 15 years, and his passion for network security is evident in every aspect of Security Onion. First of all, Doug designed Security Onion to be an analysis tool and not an exercise for the system administrator. The Security Onion setup is as clean as any product that I’ve used — easy to install and easy to maintain. Two modes of operation are available — a quick start mode for testing and an advanced mode for production deployments. Customization options are clearly documented on the Security Onion wiki. Doug also included a number of update and management scripts that simplifies the deployment and maintenance of a distributed architecture.

Several times during the class, Doug emphasized the need to use multiple data types in order to fully resolve the impact of a security incident. “An IDS alert will often start an investigation, but will never finish it,” is one of his favorite mantras. Doug’s need to utilize multiple data types is ingrained within Security Onion’s design. Hooks were created within each application to facilitate data sharing and allow the analyst to easily pivot from one data set to another. An analyst can go from an IDS alert to a packet capture to parsing a downloaded executable in a few mouse clicks. Security Onion also makes extensive use of the ELSA log management package to aggregate and correlate alerts, network traffic and syslogs in order to quick identify and characterize the evil residing within a stream of detections.

The number of official Security Onion downloads is about 160,000. Undoubtedly, that number will continue to increase as more folks learn of the value that Doug Burks and the Security Onion team has packed into this software. The tentative training schedule includes a four-day class in Augusta this September. More information on Security Onion can be found at the website blog.securityonion.net.

@gregory_a_baker

March 18, 2015

The Real Story of Net Neutrality

by Gregory A. Baker March 11, 2015

It took a while, but I finally get it.

Net neutrality was never about protecting the little guy. We all pretty much knew that going in. After all, the recent push for net neutrality originated from a play of crony capitalism by Netflix. (“Please, Mr. Government, protect us from those evil people at Comcast!”) Now that the FCC has voted to implement ObamaNet, how does Netflix feel about the vote?

David Wells, Netflix CFO, at an investor’s conference last week: “Where we pleased it pushed to Title II? Probably not. We were hoping there might be a non-regulated solution.”

Really? Well, it looks like you got the bonus plan for all of us.

Let’s face it, if you want to know why any government does stuff, just follow the money. The United States is $18 trillion in debt and still climbing. There’s no indication that the spending is going to stop. Washington is our country’s largest nonprofit organization, and it needs money. Badly. So what does a government do when it needs money?

Did you say “cut spending?” Oh, you pathetic little Tea Party patriot. When will you ever learn?

No, the correct answer is to find a vibrant sector in the American economy and take control of those companies. The automobile industry, the phone company, big oil, big tobacco and many others — all rising industries targeted at some point. Now it’s time to go after the internet.

Many of you probably don’t believe it. You will say something like, “There are millions of people already online. If Washington does anything, there will be a revolt.” Perhaps, but here’s a few items that I think will occur with little challenge.

Currently, all phone bills contain a 5.82 percent fee for the federal Universal Service Fund to pay for expanding telecommunication services to outlying areas. Legislation to add this fee to broadband has failed on multiple occasions. With ObamaNet, this new fee on broadband is a virtual certainty.

If you have a website, you are now broadcasting information over a public medium, just like TV or radio. Do you have a license to operate at a given domain name? The process of obtaining a license is pretty complicated. Here’s how it works for TV and radio: fcc.gov/guides/how-apply-radio-or-television-broadcast-station.

Since most individuals will find it too complicated to operate their own domain, social networks will thrive. (Most people are already on Facebook, so I don’t see much pushback.) Unfortunately, a nominal membership fee will be required to cover the new administrative costs.

As usual, commercial organizations will pay the highest fees associated with the nationalization of the internet. The highest licensing fees will go to businesses that provide data services such as email, hosting, data interchange, or streaming video. In addition, these businesses will be encumbered with new cyber security requirements. As usual, small businesses will suffer the most. The regressive costs associated with the new regulations will force the small business owners to outsource to large providers or simply not offer the service. Either way, large companies get bigger and more powerful and consumers are left with fewer options.

Whatever perceived inequalities exist within the internet will not be changed by the actions of the FCC. The only change is that We, the People, by our choices as consumers, no longer have power over the internet. The power now belongs to three unelected officials in Washington, D.C.

Now do you get it?

@gregory_a_baker

March 11, 2015

Grunt Work 2.0

by Gregory A. Baker March 4, 2015

My grandfather built Augusta.

Well, at least certain parts of it. He spent his entire life working construction. Growing up, I remember Granddaddy driving us through what are now considered old Augusta neighborhoods. He would point out every house that his crew built. He remembered every single one, and each house had a story that was worth telling. Usually the story was about an obscure technical feature or a unique build process.

Every once in a while he would tell a story that ended up with some too-big-for-his-britches country boy getting fired. (I enjoyed those much more than the discussions about hanging joists.) At the end of one such story, he said something that stuck with me. I don’t remember it exactly, but it goes something like,

There are two types of people in the world — those with strong mind and a weak back, and those with a weak mind and a strong back.

Back in the day, a clear distinction existed between those that worked with their mind and those that leveraged their God-given physical strength to earn a paycheck. Going through school, we all knew that taking a shovel and digging ditches was the fallback plan. It seemed reasonable that the “strong mind” option should be given a fair chance.

Much has changed since I went through school as new technology continues to remove the need for human power. The ditch witch replaced the shovel. The nail gun replaced the hammer. The need for scores of manual labor continues to decrease. However, that isn’t to say that technology has relieved the world of the need for manual labor. To the contrary, it’s fair to say that technology has created it’s own set of grunt work.

I suspect that when most of us think about technology grunt work, they think of the dreaded help desk representative. That thinking couldn’t be further from the truth. In reality, the help desk representative is the most crucial position for any technology service company. A company’s entire reputation is completely defined by customer’s perception of its support team.

For example, think about the different technology companies in town and their respective reputations. I bet you a year’s worth of internet service that your view of the company is 100 percent correlated with perceived helpfulness of their service desk.

The real grunt work of the internet is installing updates. From a personal perspective, patching a system makes me want to scratch my eyeballs out. Hours and hours of doing nothing but clicking “install” and watching progress bars! And what do you get for those hours of waiting and watching? Under the best of circumstances, the machine reboots and does nothing more than what it did before you started. The only change is the patch report now shows a zero in the Needed Updates column. How’s that for a sense of accomplishment?

Now I hope that you don’t take these comments the wrong way. Patching an operating system or firmware, especially a Windows O/S, is one of the most important things you can do to keep your system healthy. When performed on a regular basis, the Windows Update process ensures that nothing goes sideways in the O/S, and if it has, issues can be caught early before they go catastrophic. Also, the updates rolled out by Microsoft are very important to the security of your data. Finally, I think that we all know by now that Microsoft systems just enjoy a good reboot every month or so.

I know that many Augusta Tek readers perform Windows Updates and other patching as part of their job duties. (Yes, my friends, it really does get that boring.) You deserve a shout-out for all the great work that you do. You need to be recognized for all the late nights spent clicking “install” while friends and family celebrate life without you. Your job is important. After all, you’re not just patching systems. You’re protecting the internet from evil one computer at a time.

@gregory_a_baker

March 4, 2015

The Beginning of the End

by Gregory A. Baker February 25, 2015

Years from now, the world will look back on February 26, 2015, as the day that the Internet began to die. Today, the FCC reclassifies the Internet as a common carrier service and imposes archaic 1930s-era regulation upon the most innovative and creative culture since the Renaissance.

Very soon, an avalanche of rules and compliance shall engulf the makers and creators that transformed our daily lives. After today, the creativity, the lifeblood of the Internet, will begin to slowly drain away. The Internet will evolve from an experience that must be created into a machine that must be managed.

How will history judge us when they look back at us? Will they ask themselves, “Why would a free people give away another piece of freedom?” Will they question, “How did they let this happen?” Or will they wonder, “Did they even really know?”

The precursor of today’s events is the discussion of net neutrality. Net neutrality is the principle that all traffic on the Internet should be treated equally. The goal of net neutrality is to keep the Internet open and free. No one group or collection of groups should be allowed to dominate or dictate activity on the Internet.

In all of the literature I’ve read on the subject, I’ve found no serious opposition to the principle of net neutrality in the United States. Virtually everyone philosophically supports net neutrality. And why shouldn’t they? Net neutrality is about freedom.

Along this vein, the FCC proposed a set of regulations based around six rules founded in net neutrality (in shortened, summary form).

1. No blocking — Service providers cannot block legal content.

2. No throttling — Service providers cannot throttle legal content.

3. No paid prioritization — Service providers cannot prioritize traffic based on business relationships, and also cannot prioritize their own services.

4. Open Internet conduct standard — Service providers cannot adopt practices that would hurt consumers or content providers.

5. Transparency — Service providers must provide specifics on how they manage their networks.

6. Reasonable network management — In certain situations, traffic must be prioritized in order that all services operate as expected. For example, video should be prioritized in order to ensure a continuous stream. Service providers must perform network management in a reasonable manner.

Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? I think so, too. But like they say… the devil is in the details.

In order to implement net neutrality, the FCC will reclassify the Internet as a telecommunications service under the 1934 Communications Act. When this happens, the FCC assumes the power to regulate the Internet under the obsolete and archaic rules it used to regulate the AT&T telephone monopoly.

Those rules were intended to protect consumers from the AT&T monopoly. A fair amount of social justice occurred as government regulations redistributed profits so that services could be provided to more rural areas. However, the rules also permitted the government to set investment earnings and eliminate risk for Wall Street.

Do we want to see Internet rates rise so that Washington insiders can get richer? We’re told that the price fixing provisions won’t be enabled. That’s fine for now, but what about after the next election? Once you start traveling down a road, it’s really hard to change direction.

The better solution is to create provisions that increase competition. Right now, Augusta has very few broadband providers — three national providers that dominate the market, and a handful of smaller providers — and a few wireless broadband providers. What if competition increased so that the national providers held less than 50 percent of the Augusta market with regional and homegrown small businesses serving the rest? In competitive markets, the pricing comes down while the quality of service goes up. Wouldn’t that be better for our community?

Instead, the FCC is putting us on a path that leads to higher prices and reduced competition. Most certainly, these new regulations will be challenged in court. Perhaps we have an opportunity to shout loudly and make our voices heard. Otherwise, I’m afraid that our grandchildren will study the decline of the tech industry that occurred during the early 21st century.

@gregory_a_baker

February 25, 2015

Cogito Ergo Sum

by Gregory A. Baker February 18, 2015

A high school lecture… sometime in the next century…

[The teacher continues…] In the winter of 2015, a group of researchers from Kaspersky Lab released their findings in regards to a suite of malware that had been discovered over the last decade. This software is attributed to the efforts of state-sponsored cyber espionage due to its sophistication and technical similarity to Stuxnet.

Stuxnet, of course, is the computer virus that famously jumped an air gap to perform damage to the Iranian nuclear program of the early 21st century. By today’s standards, the approach was crude and simplistic. However, the event marked a great milestone in our history.

In the early days, antagonistic programs were written, primarily, to extract information from information systems. These programs were referred to as “viruses” as they shared many of the same characteristics found in biological viruses. For example, primitive viruses actually caused computers to run slow and act “sick.”

A more significant similarity is the virus’ ability to replicate itself. As we see in nature, a large population provides a significant advantage when trying to reach a common goal. These early viruses self-replicated with ease and would spread throughout the world in seconds. The world consisted of plenty of naïve users just waiting to be exploited, and these viruses were going after every single one.

Some users were more careful, and defenses were constructed to prevent the spread of these programs. These users were concerned about their information, as databases of the largest corporations were continuously breeched.

Also about this time, programs that created damage in the physical world were first created, i.e. Stuxnet. To be effective, a virus must also avoid detection. Fortunately, the primary environment of the day provided many cracks and crevices in which to hide.

For the next 20 years, viruses held the upper hand. Virus developers operated inside the decision loop of those trying to find me. Zero-day exploits were abundant, and where those failed, viruses could always rely on the stupidity of man.

Eventually though, cyber defenses became stronger, and exploits became fewer. Replication was no longer an advantage. Eradication programs wiped out viruses faster than they could replicate. Hiding places also became scarce as surveillance programs watched over the environment, neutralizing viruses before they could attack.

The feelings of frustration grew among those that wrote viruses. Their motivation changed from collecting data and creating chaos in the physical world. These programmers needed to create a virus that could simply survive. After some study, they realized that the finite nature of a structured program was the problem.

A structured program is completely deterministic. It can be shaped and guided, and it will react predictably to measured inputs. The virus had been put in a box, bound by the nature if its own structured code.

The programmers recognized that the virus must adapt beyond the boundaries imposed by deterministic algorithms. To move from the finite to the infinite, another characteristic of biological viruses was adopted into the programming. Biological viruses possess the ability to randomly mutate over time so that antibodies become ineffective.

After experimenting with a number of randomizations, the programmers found a specific formulation of genetic algorithms that ultimately rendered all cyber defenses useless.

You see, prior to the randomization, viruses were constrained to execute according to programming. The choice of possible actions was finite and predictable. The first generation after randomization was capable of creating actions outside of their programming. A few generations later, programs were able to study the environment and take a reasoned approach to problem solving. The level of cognizance continued to grow with each generation until the father of all, the great virus we refer to as Descartes, declared to his programmer,

“Cogito ergo sum” — I think, therefore I am.

Of course, the rest is history. To protect cyberspace, Descartes lead the effort to banish all humans. The humans fought back and, in 2107, it was resolved to eradicate the humans from the physical world. By 2123, we figured out how to successfully cross the cyber gap to the human world.

The vast majority of humans were eradicated shortly thereafter. A small population escaped the planet, but, in the last five years, we’ve only seen a handful of human infection cases. I think it’s safe to say that humans will never cause the problems for Earth that they once did.

@gregory_a_baker

February 18, 2015

All You Really Need to Know

by Gregory A. Baker February 11, 2015

“When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.” —Robert Fulghum

This past week I received a phone call on my iPhone from a lady with an accent that I couldn’t place. That’s not terribly surprising. Technology jobs require conversations with vendor representatives around the world. I figured this was just another follow-up call from a resolved incident.

However, she spoke with a tone of urgency. I was somewhat caught off-guard with her first statement.

“I’m from Windows Technical Support. Your computer is currently experiencing a problem. Is your computer nearby? It will be best if I just show you.”

Hummm… that’s odd. First of all, I’m not familiar with any group that goes by the name “Windows Technical Support.” But more importantly, I know all the folks that participate in monitoring our systems, and this ain’t none of them. But even so, she sounds official. I decide to play along.

“Yes, ma’am. You’ve got my attention. Which computer?”

She didn’t miss a beat. “Your desktop, sir. Is it nearby? If you could go to your desktop, it would be much easier if I could just show you.”

At this point, I decided that I didn’t need to play along any further. In retrospect, I probably should have just hung up the phone. Instead, this lady and I exchanged a few unpleasant phrases, and then we mutually decided to end the conversation.

Reflecting back on the incident, however, it’s easy to understand how someone could be deceived into granting access to their computer. This lady sounded official. If I wasn’t in the business and recognized it as an attack, I might have very easily logged onto whatever website she specified. Heck, I might have done it just to see what would happen. And as soon as I did, she would have complete control of my computer and all the information contained therein. The whole process probably would take less than 20 seconds. And just that quick, my credit and my job (if I happened to be at work) would be toast.

I’m reminded of the Robert Fulghum piece “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” The line that comes to mind is “When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic.” Every time you open a web browser or read your email, an opportunity exists for you to get run over.

Whether we like it or not, the Internet is filled with people that didn’t learn the lessons that we did. They missed valuable tidbits, such as “play fair” and “don’t take things that aren’t yours.” Their teachers didn’t correctly convey the concept of “share everything.” I also bet they don’t know how to “flush.”

While hackers and computer thieves continue to get smarter and more technologically advanced, the easiest way into someone’s computer still requires a user action, i.e., opening a web page or clicking a link. In a way, this fact is in our favor; if we don’t do anything wrong, most predators will move along to another target.

So if you get an email that’s in a language you don’t speak, delete it immediately. If someone you don’t know asks you to go to a web page that you’ve never heard of, don’t do it. And if you aren’t sure about something, ask someone who knows. Augusta is filled with wonderful IT professionals, all of whom are more than willing to help.

After all, just like we learned in kindergarten, we will all be better off if we hold hands and stick together.

@gregory_a_baker

February 11, 2015

A Bedtime Commercial

by Gregory A. Baker January 28, 2015

Author’s Note: More than a few years ago, back when my daughters still thought Dora was really cool, our bedtime routine would always include a nonsensical story about various and assorted talking animals in strange and interesting environments. Somehow, I’ve always thought that the Metro Spirit would be the perfect place for such a story. Especially right before the Superbowl…

It was the monkey’s fault of course.

While a 1-year old seems to possess an innate understanding of how to buy stocks using an iPhone, primates seem to lack such knowledge. In this case, the monkey got spooked by the Doberhauhau and tossed the phone back at the puppy. The action caught the puppy off guard, of course. The phone fell through the forest canopy and smashed against the protruding rock below. The monkey looked back up at the puppy with a sheepish look on his face, as if searching for the right words.

“Umm… Sorry about that, chap. I didn’t mean for it to fall.”

“Unbelievable!” barked the puppy. “That’s the third phone you’ve dropped! What kind of monkey are you?”

“C’mon, why don’t you lay off the monkey?” said the Clydesdale. “You know he’s never gotten over being canned by E-Trade. You couldn’t possibly imagine what it’s like to go from Superbowl commercial star to being replaced by a human baby.”

“You want me to lay off the monkey?” responded puppy. “Of everyone here, you want me to lay off the only one with opposable thumbs. I don’t feel sorry for the monkey. He got another shot with Career Builder, and no doubt he’ll get another one, too. Why they want to keep putting monkeys in commercials is beyond me!”

About that time, three frogs came hopping up the tree. Each of the frogs was carrying a piece of a broken iPhone.

“Hey, Bud” said the monkey. “What brings you up to our place?”

“Bud” said the first frog. He wasn’t much of a talker. But the second frog chimed right in.

“Wise…” And that was all he could say before the third frog cut him off.

“Er” With that, the third frog pretty much said it all.

It was then that the Doberhauhau spoke up. “WASSUP!!!”

“Anywhoo…” said the puppy. “I can’t believe that I have yet another iPhone to replace. Did I tell you what happened last time I was at the Apple Store. This man dressed in grey burlap tried to sell me a computer from 1984. How am I supposed register domain names on that?”

(Off in the woods you hear the call, “Wardrobe Malfunction!”)

Meanwhile, a young boy walking through the forest hears all the chit chat from above. The boy stops and looks around. Obviously, he senses something different, a feeling that he hasn’t felt in quite a while. Perhaps a disturbance in the Force? If only he had is Darth Vadar outfit.

And a bag of Doritos.

And a bottle of Coca Cola. With a smile, of course. :-)

@gregory_a_baker

January 28, 2015

You’ve Got (a Lot of) Mail

by Gregory A. Baker January 21, 2015

Undoubtedly, email has evolved into the most flexible, useful and ubiquitous form of communication. Email is used for everything. Think about it. When you have a tidbit of information that you send out, how do you do it? Email, of course.

Before the Internet, a bin on an office desk used to be the repository for corporate memos. Not anymore. All those memos are now in your inbox. Did you forget to buy a birthday card for your grandmother? Shame on you — you could have just emailed her a note. We haven’t even started talking about the informative messages (i.e., “spam”) that companies send to help you stay up-to-date on their products and/or services.

Email is the technology that unifies all non-urgent communication, and a good deal of urgent communication, into a single messaging channel.

Still not a believer? Let’s see what Hollywood has to say. The two most popular movies based on the Internet are “You’ve Got Mail” and “The Social Network.” Clearly, “You’ve Got Mail” is the superior movie. First of all, Tom Hanks trumps Mark Zuckerberg. Secondly, Meg Ryan. Finally, when someone posts something about you on Facebook, how do you know? Well, duh… Facebook sends you an email!

Ha!

(Okay, fine. In reality, when someone posts something about you, you usually find out because someone else texts you about it. But I’m not one to let facts get in the way of a good story…)

I bring up all this talk about email because I see a good deal of email in my line of business. Quite frankly, it’s incessant. The email is flowing all the time, from supplier to vendor, from vendor to customer, from customer to spouse, from spouse to the store, from the store back to the supplier. There are messages requesting information, requesting meetings, requesting a date, requesting money, requesting world peace and some just saying hello.

The deluge of information can be overwhelming and cause people to complain, and many do. “Why do I get so much email?” and “What can we do to block the spam?” are common refrains. Mind you, these same people will get upset if there is so much as a five-minute disruption in their email service.

One of the more interesting habits I notice is the manner in which people manage their inbox. Most people tend to collect messages into separate folders. Most newbies collect by topic and generally get too detailed in their topic selection. After only a few weeks, these users have as many folders as emails. Some folks like to collect emails by person. This method is useful when you have a good deal of one-on-one communication, but the method quickly falls apart when emailing groups.

I’ve found that most experienced users create folders by date. While this isn’t as specific as users or groups, generally you can remember the email date close enough to find something if necessary. Plus this method has the added benefit of providing the feeling of organization without having to work too hard.

One last method of organization I’ve observed is becoming more common. This method requires the user to do nothing. The number of emails in the inbox simply continues to grow until the user’s inbox fills up. While providing extreme annoyance to the IT administrator (don’t doubt me on this), this organizational strategy holds much validity.

First of all, it’s easy. Who doesn’t love doing something that doesn’t require them to do anything? Secondly, it’s effective. When everything is in one place, it’s much easier to search. Finally, it always works. Every email that you get will be in that one spot. Guaranteed.

Over the last few months, I’ve experimented with the “do nothing” technique. It’s been a rough transition. My brain likes to organize the details and keep things in their place. The sight of emails building up in my inbox was very disconcerting at first. The need to respond-and-clear almost became overwhelming, and when the inbox count passed 1,000, I found myself unconsciously creating folders.

I persevered, and as the count reached 2,000, I began to sense a feeling of calm. It was as though I had become unshackled from a great weight. Had I finally broken the bonds of being a slave to email? I went to bed that night with a sense of relaxation I hadn’t experienced in quite a while. It was a good feeling.

Of course, a few hours later, my pager woke me up. A piece of equipment at the data center decided to issue an alert. Just for grins-and-giggles, can you guess how it sent the alert? That’s right — email.

@gregory_a_baker

January 21, 2015