“I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anyone would miss you.”
That’s the stance many fathers take with boys courting their daughter. Or the ol’ convenient timing of the shotgun cleaning, which just happens to be taking place in the living room at the precise moment that the boy is coming to pick up the daughter. Personally, I have this old, rusty, dull blade that I’ll show the kid. “It’ll be slow and painful. I’d advise you to have her back by 10.”
I’m already making these plans because I know we’re going to have problems. No. 3 is a very pretty girl and we’ve already had one instance of a boy making a move.
This kid, we’ll call him “The Devil,” ticked me off in two ways: First, “The Devil” gave her a necklace. Awww, how cute. I know. But she wasn’t interested. So “The Devil” started calling her names. Careful, kid. I know where you live. I know where he lives because of the second way he ticked me off. He tried to use our youngest son, No. 4, to get to her.
No. 4 is a very social kid. He loves making friends. When “The Devil” befriended him, he was uber excited because the kid is four years older than him. Which, of course, made me suspicious to begin with. Then “The Devil” invited him to his birthday party. No. 4 looked forward to it for weeks, as it was his very first birthday party invitation outside of family. When the day finally arrived, we picked out our gift, put on our party pants and were on our way.
Upon arriving to the party, “The Devil’s” mom informed me that he was hoping that No. 4 would bring his sister. Really? The nerve! I wanted to scoop up my son and the damn gift and take him home. But No. 4 was excited to be there so I let him stay.
But the overall message to me was: It has begun. My baby girl has attracted the attention of boys. I knew it would happen. I have dreaded this day since the moment she entered my life.
But then there’s the other thing about this situation that upsets me. This is the first of what could be many “friends” befriending my two sons to get to my daughter. No. 4 asks about every other day if he can go to “The Devil’s” house to play. I tell him “HELL NO! NOT TODAY, NOT EVER!” but it comes out more like “Eh, not today, buddy.” Truth is, I don’t know if this kid still wants to be friends with my son or not. To be honest, I’m not sure I want him to be.
But I guess I get to find out what his intentions are. This is No. 4’s birthday weekend and wouldn’t you know who he wants to invite to the party… “The Devil.” We have a decision to make: Invite him? Or forgo the opportunity for this kid to use my son again.
I’m thinking we’ll invite him. It’ll give me a chance to show off my rusty knife. Keep an eye out for me in the Jail Report.