Come and Sit on Santa’s Lap

Come and Sit on Santa’s Lap

High art The Jail Report ain’t. Neither does it claim to be a serious discourse about the state of our criminal justice system. It’s a bunch of mugshots Publisher Greg Rickabaugh puts together for your amusement and schadenfreude each week.

But, lately, insiders have begun to wonder what kind of an audience Rickabaugh is actually courting. Sure, we all know that high school kids can’t resist buying The Jail Report and laughing at the pictures of the poor souls contained within (beats paying attention in class, that’s for sure), but it seems like those readers are even too old for this esteemed publication.

At least that’s the way the December 4-10 issue appeared. After all, readers who turned to page 10 got a Christmas surprise in the form of a coloring contest that their kids could enter. Whoever most creatively colored Santa reading The Jail Report while checking his naughty list would win a $150 prize.

While the kiddies are coloring Old Saint Nick, however, their parents might want to hide page 11 (no easy task since it faces page 10), which contains not one, but two molestation stories. The gigantic headline across the top of that page screams “Man Molests His Girlfriend’s Nephew & Nieces.” The pictures of the two accused men were enough to give even the bravest youngsters nightmares, but the stories themselves? Well, let’s just say that you probably don’t want little Julie reading about a Warrenville man who “came into the girl’s room, put his hands under the blanket, pulled down her pants and climbed on top of her.”

Turn to page 12, though, so your kids can see that they’re not alone in their love for The Jail Report. That’s where a picture of two teens and a child reading it is shown. And they’re in what looks like a Waffle House, no less.

So kids: Check out The Jail Report for all your arts and crafts needs. And if you also happen to need a bail bondsman, attorney, title pawn or a tattoo removed, they have that too.

  • VoraciousOne

    No easy task? Maybe if you have an IQ of 40 and aren’t allowed to own scissors. Isn’t The Jail Report made of paper?

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