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Guide to Banjo-B-Que
American Taxpayers: Our Fastest Growing Minority
My Tuesday evening deadline has once again killed my ability to specifically discuss the results of the big contests, but I guarantee you one thing: in these parts the overachievers concentrated their votes with conservative candidates and the folks who have largely accepted a permanent place
Cormac McCarthy’s Ghost Writes a Door County Triathlon Race Report
Early afternoon, and the white sun hung cold in a slate-colored sky as if the tip of a piece of steel was heated to the torture-point of freezing. The road ran straight and forever-seeming enough that it was like a piece of Illinois highway was ripped up and cast asunder to the north, a
It’s Just an Airport
Last Saturday, I woke up at 6:59. In the morning. On the weekend. Our kids are great sleepers, so I can’t remember the last time I had to get up that early on a Saturday. Most of you are telling me this isn’t that bad. It was. We had a 7 a.m. flight. I hopped […]
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The legions of Augusta Tek fans already know that I generally dislike video embedded into web pages. First of all, it’s just rude. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to apologize to my spouse, kids and employees for creating an interruption. Surfing the web is a private activity. Sure, you
Moronic Criminals Doing Law Enforcement’s Job for Them
An interesting fringe benefit to having what has to be the coolest job in Augusta media is that just when I think I have heard it, seen it or read it all, some group of idiots jump up and remind me why it rarely sucks to do what I do. There are actually human beings […]
World Cup Massacre
I was sitting in Gate E at Logan Airport, waiting for my plane and reading through the Apache massacre section of “Blood Meridian” when the Germany vs. Brazil World Cup semifinal game started. My wife and I had just finished eating lunch at the airport bar that boasted the terminal’s only six
Be Kind. Rewind.
My kids are always telling me I’m not old. I tend to agree with them. I’m only 37. While that might’ve seemed ancient to 20-year-old me, it’s just a number now. It’s a little strange to think about the years past since, say, high school. It can’t possibly have been almost 20 years. It doesn’t
Publicly Shaming My Kids, It’s What I Do
Spectacular embarrassment is my specialty. Ever since elementary school, I was good at embarrassing myself in astounding ways. Sometimes life likes to show me that I haven’t lost my touch. Last week I was provided the opportunity to prove that I haven’t lost my magic. I’m at
Please Don’t Break the Ice
Tell something unusual or memorable about yourself. What’s your favorite color? If you were stranded on an island with just one thing, what would it be? Would you rather drink sour milk or eat rancid meat? Ice breakers. I think the only people who like them are seminar coordinators and
The Scope of Our Lives
Whether we realize it or not, we tend to measure the scope of our lives in events. Sometimes, these events are seemingly disconnected, held together by the common thread of their sheer historical gravity: my grandfather fought in World War II, was around when the Stock Market crashed,
There is Power in Positivity
Ah yes, the positivity quote! They can be a little irritating at times. Personally, I love them. A good “What defines us is how well we rise after falling” or “Dare to live your dreams,” I’m a sucker for all of that stuff. I posted one myself recently. To make it worse,
The Founders Didn’t Fight for Government Agency Protocols
Good news! At least one part of the federal government is entering the 21st century. The Supreme Court is demonstrating an understanding of something that we’ve all known for a while. Whether it’s on paper, in our phones or in the cloud, our data is OUR DATA! This past week, the Supreme Court
The Ever-Shrinking Buffer Zone
After about 15 years’ procrastination, I’m finally reading “The Stand.” I’m not sure why I resisted actually tackling the book for so long. Its length doesn’t bother me; I’ve read denser stuff in graduate school. Likewise, the horror, to my palate, comes across as fairly muted; it’s harrowing
15 in 5
1. Every year I say it, and every year I mean it: how are we already in July? Summer break is halfway over. Summer break isn’t long enough. 2. We’ve been as lazy as promised. Lazy has such a negative connotation. I prefer “relaxed.” 3. Like soccer (futbol) or not, having an American team do
A Father’s Day Thought, A Few Weeks Late
I’ve been going back and forth on whether I should write this article or not. On one hand, it’s a family matter and maybe should be kept that way. On the other hand, that’s what my column is all about: life. My life, specifically, and if just one person can identify with me or
Raging Storms
About a week ago, I sat in my living room on the third story of our apartment building in a quiet suburb of Madison, drinking coffee, watching World Cup highlights and listening to a tornado siren caterwauling. I don’t know whether it was the fact that I’d closed the bar the night before and
Maybe I Should Get a Whistle
I have a new job. I’ve had temporary summer employment in such a position before, but it’s as if I’ve earned an undesired, surprise promotion without pay. The hours are unpredictable and, so far, it seems vacation is scarce and unpaid. I have no formal training, and there don’t appear to be any
Credit or Debit?
Every four or five days, my car requires a fill-up. No big deal, right? I pass two or three different Circle Ks on the way to the office (depending on which way I go), so it’s pretty convenient to fill up the tank. While they’ve been around for years, those of you born last century […]
The CSRA’s Summer “To Do” List
Any man who has been married for two minutes knows the importance of the infamous “to do” list. As we see the weeks of summer slipping away and the calendar slowly inching its way to July, may I share what I believe is a pretty serious list of things we need to get done before […]
The Evolving Internet
When I was in graduate school, I briefly played around in a branch of computational optimization theory known as genetic algorithms. From a conceptual standpoint, it was some pretty cool stuff. Starting with a mathematical model, genetic algorithms insert random changes into an array of inputs.