This New Year’s Eve, everyone knows that law enforcement will be out in full force making sure that drunk drivers stay off the roadways.
There’s no doubt about it, the Oconee County Sheriff’s Office won’t be joking when it comes to impaired drivers.
When they warn their residents to behave, they aren’t subtle.
They point out stupid, and they point it out quick.
Throughout this holiday season, the Oconee County Sheriff’s Office has also tried to provide some humor in their warnings to the public.
For example, earlier this month when there was snow falling around the Atlanta area on Dec. 6, they posted the following warning on their Facebook page:
“There could possibly, maybe, barely be less than an inch of snow Saturday in the OC.
You know the drill. We have rehearsals for this every year. You are ready for the big event,” the sheriff wrote. “Tomorrow, buy out the grocery stores. Buy things you don’t need or even want. Loot the bread, milk and eggs first. When everything but sardines in mustard sauce is gone, then you know you are done.”
They also told citizens to get their vehicles ready.
“Get out your 4-wheel drive trucks, jeeps and SUVs and put them in 4wd immediately,” the sheriff joked. “You don’t want to be the only guy with a jeep who isn’t in a ditch by 9 am. Check on momma and them. That goes without saying. If there isn’t enough snow at your house to make a snowball, steal your neighbors’ snow.”
The sheriff ended the post by stating, “The panic of 2017 begins at noon tomorrow.”
Believe it or not, these unusual posts are generally written by Oconee County Sheriff Scott Berry, himself.
Last year, Berry began getting some attention for his humorous posts after he wrote one about regarding the legality of shooting armadillos.
Yes, armadillos.
“Due to the number of calls I have received, I elected to discuss today the nemesis of Western Civilization. No, not ISIS (ISIL??) or the threat of thermonuclear war. I mean the real threat to human existence, the wily, elusive and destructive armadillo,” the sheriff posted in August 2016. “The armadillo (blunderous stupidious), which migrated here in 2004 as the result of being stuck in the grill of Eddy Thaxton’s pickup truck has made its presence felt countywide. They will destroy your landscaping, yard, bushes, dig up your home foundation, undermine our economic system, destroy peace and goodwill worldwide and generally make a nuisance by their mere existence.”
Due to this obvious threat, what should citizens do about these pesky varmits?
“So the question I get asked is, ‘Sheriff, can I choot ’em?’” Berry posted. “Armadillos that live in the city limits of Watkinsville, Bogart, North High Shoals and Bishop are safe from randomly getting shot ’cause ordinances cover blasting away at things, including armadillos, inside the city limits. If you live in the city you must find a more humane way to dispatch them, such as running them over with your pickup. If you happen to live in the county, you are responsible for where your stray bullet goes and you have to be 50 yards from the roadway to whack an armadillo.”
Well, this year, Sheriff Berry has also not been shy when it comes to his allegiance to his favorite SEC team this season.
Prior to the SEC Championship game, the sheriff sent out the following message on Dec. 2:
“I need y’all to do your best not to bother us today,” the sheriff wrote. “Between the Christmas Parade and the SEC Championship game we just don’t need your drama today. Don’t do the things that draw attention to yourself, like crashing your cars and stealing things from people, selling meth or anything else that is going to make paperwork for us. If you are an Auburn fan, I am sure you can find someone to read this to you. GOOOOOOO DAWGS!!!!!!!!”
Then, when the Georgia Bulldogs crushed Auburn in the SEC Championship with a score of 28-7 and eventually earned a spot in the Rose Bowl on Jan. 1 against the Oklahoma Sooners, the sheriff once again let everyone know that he bleeds red and black with the following Traffic Enforcement PSA:
“Show proof you graduated from Auburn and we will discount your speeding tickets by 5 miles per hour. Y’all have had enough of a beating today. GOOOOO DAWGS!!!!!!!!!”
We can only imagine what the sheriff plans to post prior to the 2018 College Football National Championship on Jan. 8 in Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium.
It should be a good one.
But prior to New Year’s, Berry also decided to spread some holiday cheer by announcing that “Barney the Elf” took his oath of office and began his official duties for the Oconee County Sheriff’s Office in December.
“Barney grew up on the mean streets of the frozen arctic and comes to us after a long career of mucking out reindeer stalls,” the sheriff posted. “We will follow Barney as he enters field training in the various divisions of the Sheriff’s Office.”
With Barney joining the sheriff’s office and the Bulldogs in the Rose Bowl, 2018 should be a good (and humorous) year for the Oconee County Sheriff’s Office.
Their posts are worth checking out.
Happy New Year, everybody!
