Issue #20.31 :: 02/25/2009 - 03/03/2009
Disney dweebs

A recession may be afoot, but don’t tell Kevin, Nick and   Joe — they already have more money than most of us will ever see. And their new flick will just give them more.

BY MARIAH GARDNER

 

AUGUSTA, GA - While hardworking, ordinary people are being laid off by the hundreds, Hollywood is showing its lack of sympathy for one of our nation’s most trying economic times since the Great Depression. A decorative curtain made out of some 92,000 Swarovski crystals was just one lavish indulgence in a wildly extravagant Oscar celebration. Yet all the free swag actors receive, fabulous awards-season parties they enjoy and Harry Winston diamonds they wear seem forgivable when compared to this week’s 3-D disaster.

Knowing three young brothers who are just coming out of their awkward teenage years are making more money than most of us will see in our lifetimes is what’s truly insulting. The Jonas Brothers are right up there with Hannah Montana and “High School Musical” on the list of Disney Channel pet projects that have gotten irritatingly out of control. You can’t enter a school or shopping mall without seeing Kevin, Nick and Joe Jonas’ faces on everything from posters to backpacks. Now, much like those other Disney-funded teenybopper nuisances, you can’t enter a movie theater without seeing them either. 

“Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience” features concert snippets, behind-the-scenes footage and the debut of a new song. Guest stars include Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato. See it if an impressionable tween drags you to the theater, but know that buying a ticket only adds to the massive financial empire of these Disney dweebs.

Actress Kristin Kreuk is going from small screen adventure to big-screen action. Best known for her role as Lana Lang on TV’s “Smallville,” Kreuk caught a big break as the title character in “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.”

You won’t see Jean-Claude Van Damme in this installment of the popular video game series. Actors who do show up ready to kick butt include character actors Michael Clarke Duncan (“The Green Mile”) and Neal McDonough, who is often put in roles of smirking, cold and calculating villain types. Chris Klein, an actor who seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth much like Jason Biggs did after the “American Pie” movies, also stars.

Kreuk takes on crime boss McDonough and his henchmen, including the larger-than-life Duncan, on the gritty streets of Bangkok in this proverbial battle of good versus evil. Andrzej Bartkowiak stays in his comfort zone while directing this action flick. His past credits include “Doom” and “Exit Wounds.”

This week’s third and final opener “Crossing Over” is a limited-release flick that tackles the subject of illegal immigration and border patrol. Harrison Ford plays an immigration officer who breaks a few rules to help a young mother bring her son to America, while Ray Liotta uses his powers in the U.S. Customs offices to take bribes and sexual favors from hopeful young immigrants who just want to become legal citizens of the United States.

Ashley Judd also stars in this socio-political drama whose ensemble cast is large and ethnically diverse. This story about corruption in the immigration system comes from writer-producer-director Wayne Kramer, whose background as a South African immigrant and naturalized U.S. citizen gave a unique perspective on the process of desperately trying to achieve acceptance in what is widely perceived as a land of opportunity and freedom.

 
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