When I was in the third or fourth grade, one of my chores was to fold the clothes. I hated folding clothes. True story. So I came up with the ingenious idea only a nine-year-old can: instead of folding them, why not just stuff them behind the washer/dryer and be done with it?
This plan worked well for a few days. Then my sister started complaining she was missing clothes. My mother, being the guardian of a boy like me, found the clothes I had rid myself of. Back then she was all business, so I got whatever it was she doled out. I forget.
I kept the chore of folding clothes. So I came up with the ingenious idea only a nine-year-old can: instead of folding them, why not just stuff them behind the washer/dryer and be done with it? This plan worked for a few days until my sister started complaining she was missing clothes. My mother, having recently been involved in a very similar mystery, checked behind the washer/dryer. Low and behold, there were the clothes.
I remember being confronted by an angry tall lady who was yelling at me about clothes and washer/dryer. I knew the gig was up and did not hesitate. Through my tears, and this is a quote still repeated in our family, “It’s a conspiracy! Ronnie or Linda must have done it!”
The woman could have worked at the NSA because she wasn’t buying what I was selling.
I must have inherited her crackerjack investigative skills. On Sunday my wife emailed a link to me with “Have you seen this?!” I was directed to a page on the web with a story about a man being knocked off his bike by a rope, then descended upon by three men in camo who proceeded to try and sexually assault him. He was able to get away. I walked into the living room and told her, “That link you sent me? That didn’t happen.”
Sunday evening at 9:31 I emailed my staff and asked, “Does that FATS attack story sound like a load of shit or is it just me?”
So here I am today (Tuesday) at the scene of the supposed rope a dope. I was ready to break down the story bit by bit and point out all the absurdity in the police report. But I just got back into my car with a whole new perspective. I’m glad M.K. from Lexington, S.C., fought off the attackers and made it out of the woods. Because I just walked in about a mile and, wow, I needed that. I forgot how beautiful the Sumter National Forest is. I had never seen this trail. It is miles down Fury’s Ferry from FATS, but it is just as beautiful. And silent.
I haven’t ridden FATS in a while, but I can guarantee you I’ll be there this weekend. From Washington Road at Fury’s Ferry it takes about 10 minutes to get there. It is world-class mountain biking in the most sumptuous of settings. And I have been taking it for granted. If you don’t bike, you can hike or jog one of the four amazing trails. They have been awarded Epic status by the International Mountain Bike Association and were largely responsible for Augusta snagging the International Mountain Bike Association IMBA World Summit in 2010.
For directions and more information go to click here.
See you on the trails!
Publisher of the Metro Spirit