Metro Spirit just left messages for Governor Deal and Mayor Reed alerting the two geniuses to the weather. Hopefully, with our intervention, disaster has been averted in our capital. Now to local s&%t weather.
Staff meteorologist Dirk Dirbler has been monitoring the weather from his television set most of the night. He reports there is the possibility of a historic ice storm. We may experience great devastation from freezing rain.
A heavy buildup of freezing rain on trees and power lines can lead to scores of fallen trees, widespread power outages and bring travel to a halt.
Trees are a blight on our community. We should add that to SPLOST. Take them all down. When ice accumulates on trees, they’re all like “whoa” and sometimes they’re like “gotta go” and all. So they fall. On our power lines. THEN we have no power. For like, a long time. So we suggest you stock up on milk and bread, firewood (if you don’t have a fireplace, quickly sell your home and move into a house that does) and batteries. Call your rich friends and inquire about the use of one of their spare generators. If you don’t have any rich friends you should have tried a little harder in school.
As far as your children go, be prepared to spend time with them without benefit of a television, kindle, play Station, etc. If there isn’t a liquor store within walking distance of your home we suggest you go today. And please don’t forget your animals. The little ones should be kept indoors unless you’re one of those weirdo people who dress them in warm clothing.In that case toss ’em out. Large animals should be left outdoors. They’ll mess up your furniture. BUT make sure there is an exposed incandescent light bulb somewhere to keep them warm.
And remember, it’ll be 82 degrees in a week.