Oh, Ship!

Oh, Ship!

Hope y’all had a great Christmas. Ours was chaotic and lovely. We had a house full of friends and family on Christmas Eve. My traditional Champagne Shrimp fed the masses. The wine was flowing.

Santa brought a trampoline. I haven’t put together a trampoline before, but I’m pretty sure it’s harder than it looks. Like, it seems like it might take an hour or two, but if I was the betting type, I’d bet it takes more like six hours. That’s just a guess, though. Thank goodness for Santa. It seems he may have gotten in to the bourbon supply while he was here, but who can blame him.

*Disclaimer: we have a 10-foot net around the trampoline and have rules about how many kids can jump at a time. Sure, someone may still get hurt, but they can get hurt riding their bikes or walking to school. We will do our best to take necessary precautions.

He attached a piece of red yarn to the fireplace, ran it through the house, out the front door, around the car, under the back gate, over the deck and straight to the trampoline. Both kids loved the treasure hunt and were shocked by the present at the end. Santa hadn’t gotten much sleep. By “not much,” I mean “next to none.” Coffee was essential.

We have a relatively strict budget for Christmas. The trampoline is the biggest thing Santa has given them, though I hear Santa got a very good deal. Besides that, we try to have one evenly sized but small pile on the fireplace for each kid. The piles are carefully planned. Stockings hold necessities like toothbrushes, gum and crayons.

According to USA Today and various other news sources, Amazon, UPS and FedEx couldn’t quite get it together this year. UPS planned for an increase in packages to be shipped, but not enough. Amazon guaranteed holiday delivery for more than UPS could handle. Oops.

Other than what Santa brings, they get one present from Mama and Daddy, and they choose one thing to wrap to give to each other. Our tree isn’t one with dozens of wrapped presents underneath. I’ve always been amazed by (and, as a child, envious of) you people with rooms full of packages on Christmas morn.

Santa does not wrap. Period. After all that assembling on Christmas Eve, how on earth would he have time to wrap it all? Impossible. Santa is a busy man. He only has so much patience.

On Christmas Eve, Santa left a note for The Girl, explaining, in detail, how one of her presents “escaped” from the sleigh. It was a good story. The gift, which was a horse for her doll to ride, would arrive a couple of days after Christmas, and Santa was very sorry.

Is Santa coming AGAIN after Christmas? Will he deliver the horse? I’m gonna watch for him on Thursday. Will he come at night or during the day?” Um. Hmm.

Well, baby.” I had to be quick on my feet. “I’d think Santa would go on vacation after Christmas. He probably wants to be somewhere warm, drinking a margarita or something, right? He has worked very hard all year. I doubt he would bring it himself.” She was buying it. “I’ve heard he uses places like the Post Office and UPS to help him with rogue gifts after Christmas passes.”

By Friday, when it still wasn’t here, she was a little sad. It wasn’t in a spoiled where-is-my-gift-I-need-everything way. She is seven. She wants to know why magical Santa can’t get her present here. I asked Amazon if they had any sort of prepared explanation for confused seven-year-olds who wonder if Santa still loves them. They refunded my money.

The horse still isn’t here, but The Girl will obviously survive. She got a new bathrobe (Santa has great taste) and a bag of Hershey’s Kisses. Santa had to get creative when he realized the doll horse had jumped ship (sleigh?) and he didn’t have anything else for her pile. She wonders if today’s the day. I do, too, Baby.

Amazon said I could reorder and overnight another horse, and they’d refund the expedited shipping (again). I’m not sure whether to blame UPS or Amazon, but the horse is missing. It’ll get here eventually. Until then, we can’t complain much at all. We celebrated Christmas for the right reasons, and our people were with us. Horse or no horse, life goes on.

I may or may not have had a tiny tantrum when I realized he wouldn’t be here on time. The Man may or may not have spiked my coffee with Bailey’s. Cheers!

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