Said no Augustan ever.

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Said no Augustan ever.

We’ve all seen them. Those little sayings on Facebook attached to silly drawings that people either love or despise.
Posts such as, “I didn’t realize it was Friday,” said no teacher ever.
Or, “I’m leaving her. She just wanted me for my video games,” said no man ever.
And, how about, “This jewelry makes me look fat,” said no woman ever.
Even though it is Thanksgiving and there is a lot Augustans should be thankful for, the Garden City has also had its fair share of challenges over the past few years.
What better way to shake off those missteps than to laugh about it? So here are a few dozen sayings that we believe fall into the category of “said no Augustan ever.”
Enjoy.

“I love the name Georgia Regents University,” said no Augustan ever.

“Scott Dean should adopt some more kids,” said no Augustan ever.

“Austin Rhodes sounds black,” said no Augustan ever.

“Why can’t Columbia County be more like Augusta?” said no Augustan ever.

“I agree with Marion Williams 100 percent of the time,” said no Augustan ever.

“I couldn’t handle the insane crowds at Rock-N-Country Music Bash this weekend,” said no Augustan ever.

“Augusta doesn’t have a race problem,” said no Augustan ever.

“The ‘Save the A’ campaign is an embarrassment,” said no Augustan ever.

“I wonder why famous people like Hulk Hogan, Amy Grant, Laurence Fishburne, Jasper Johns and Ben Bernanke never brag that they were born in Augusta?” said no Augustan ever.

“Charles Walker is completely innocent,” said no Augustan ever.

“Thank goodness North Augusta will be the new home of the GreenJackets and not us,” said no Augustan ever.

“I am going to buy the former Regency Mall site and turn it around. It will be booming by the end of the year,” said no Augustan ever.

“I would re-elect Robin Williams in a heartbeat if I could,” said no Augustan ever.

“Columbia County is too diverse,” said no Augustan ever.

“I need a dog sitter. Let me give Dr. Azziz a call,” said no Augustan ever.

“I am so glad Monty Jones is leaving. Now we can finally get some good shows at the James Brown Arena,” said no Augustan ever.

“Augusta is too progressive for me,” said no Augustan ever.

“Andy Cheek would be the perfect mayor,” said no Augustan ever.

“We should put GRU in charge of the animal shelter,” said no Augustan ever.

“Washington Road is just dead today,” said no Augustan ever.

“I don’t think the Augusta Commission could be more efficient. They are always on the ball,” said no Augustan ever.

“I have some Masters badges. You want them for free?” said no Augustan ever.

“I love Masters traffic,” said no Augustan ever.

“That was fun. I really enjoy going through police checkpoints,” said no Augustan ever.

“I wish Bryan Haltermann and Paul King owned more properties downtown,” said no Augustan ever.

“I wish Mayor Deke Copenhaver wasn’t so controversial,” said no Augustan ever.

“Linda Schrenko would have been the greatest governor ever,” said no Augustan ever.

“The Riverwalk looks incredible these days,” said no Augustan ever.

“Too bad the Augusta Commission didn’t declare all of downtown a slum,” said no Augustan ever.

“I need to lose some weight. I think I’ll head to Sconyers for some barbecue,” said no Augustan ever.

“I can’t wait for the Augusta Commission to raise my taxes,” said no Augustan ever.

“Paul Simon doesn’t look like a leprechaun searching for gold at the end of a rainbow,” said no Augustan ever.

“Augusta Commissioner Bill Lockett never burns bridges,” said no Augustan ever.

“When I think south Augusta, I think luxury living,” said no Augustan ever.

Richmond County’s student test scores are the highest in the country,” said no Augustan ever.

“Augusta is the birthplace, the burial place or the hometown of at least 10 Confederate generals. Maybe we should take some of those historical markers down. It may offend someone,” said no Augustan ever.

“The Augusta National loves being located on Washington Road,” said no Augustan ever.

“The strippers in Augusta are sexier than those in Vegas,” said no Augustan ever.

“I can’t wait for Bill Kirby’s summer postcards series in the Chronicle,” said no Augustan ever.

“I wish another hockey team would come to town and then become dormant,” said no Augustan ever.

“Ten commissioners aren’t enough. Augusta should have at least 50 to make sure that every segment of the city is represented,” said no Augustan ever.

“I’m so looking forward to pollen season,” said no Augustan ever.

“The Augusta National won’t mind if I just pull my car down Magnolia Lane for a quick peek,” said no Augustan ever.

“Augusta really looks like the Garden City of the South,” said no Augustan ever.

“I’m sure they’ll do something awesome with Lake Olmstead Stadium now that the GreenJackets are leaving,” said no Augustan ever.

“Did you know that Augusta was twice the capitol of Georgia? We feel like a capitol city,” said no Augustan ever.

“I would have never guessed that The Augusta Chronicle is the South’s oldest newspaper. It seems so open-minded and progressive,” said no Augustan ever.

“It is surprising that the Georgia Republican Party and the Southern Baptist Convention were both started in Augusta,” said no Augustan ever.

“How much is it to pay to park? Just $5? Oh sure, that’s no problem at all,” said no Augustan ever.

“I won’t be posting any pictures of myself on Facebook from my Ironman 70.3 training sessions,” said no Augustan ever.

“City Administrator Fred Russell has the easiest job in town,” said no Augustan ever.

“I’m so glad they are closing down some of the city’s public housing units and moving those residents out to south Augusta. That area needs a boost,” said no Augustan ever.

“What a slate of mayoral candidates for ’14!” said no Augustan ever.

“I think the city should send more prison crews to clean up our parks, especially when children are around,” said no Augustan ever.

“If we could just get some fast food restaurant to come to town,” said no Augustan ever.

“If Columbia County could just spend some money!” said no Augustan ever.

“Since Davidson Fine Arts Magnet School has been ranked as one of the top schools in state, that’s all Augusta needs, right? A few hundred smart kids are better than none,” said no Augustan ever.

“I would never rent out my house and include my Masters badges as part of the package. That would be wrong,” said no Augustan ever.

“Cabela’s, Whole Foods, H&M and a multi-million movie theater. Whoa. Slow down Augusta. That’s too much growth for this town,” said no Augustan ever.

“A radioactive bomb plant and a brand new nuclear power plant…what could go wrong?” said no Augusta ever.

“Let’s bring the Georgia Golf Hall of Fame idea back. It’ll work this time around, for sure. Or should we say ‘fore’ sure,” said no Augustan ever.

“The city should create The Erskine Caldwell ‘Tobacco Road’ Tour. It would do wonders for this area’s image,” said no Augustan ever.

“You can never get enough Darius Rucker,” said no Augustan ever.

“Hey, let’s just park here and walk. It’ll be good for us,” said no Augustan ever.

“A $3 cover charge? Well that’s a pittance! I’d be more than happy to pay that,” said no Augustan ever.

“I really love the architecture along Washington Road in Martinez,” said no Augustan ever.

“You know… I think these portions may be a little too large,” said no Augustan ever.

“I wonder what happens with all the leftover chips at the Mexican restaurants. Surely they don’t send them back out to someone else,”

“A bar on East Boundary? That sounds awesome. I’ll just walk over!”

“Let’s go to the Playground for a hotdog!”

“Nothing feels safer than a Waffle House at 3AM”

Where are all the cops in Columbia County? You never see ‘em.

Inland Services did an amazingly tidy and on-time job picking up my garbage this week

I never can seem to find a title pawn shop when I need one

It sure is great having all these seasoned, long term television reporters around

Where is a damn nail salon?

We’re in the south, right? Then why is there no country music around?

When I grow up I want to work for the Corps of Engineers

I’d like to get a cheap, second rate college education. But there aren’t any institutions around for me.

If Augusta Magazine’s “Best of Augusta” says Augustino’s is the best place for a business lunch then I’m buying it. It’s not like Billy Morris owns Augusta Magazine. And Augustino’s. That place is hoppin’!

“Augusta really supports live music of all genres” – says no Augustan ever

“Augusta is NOT primarily known for Golf on a worldwide scale” – says no Augustan ever

“Historically, First Friday is known for family fun” – says no Augustan ever

  • # JOMO

    Boy, I just LOVE that WONDERFUL aroma coming off of Gordon Highway north of Molly Pond Road, mmmmmm…

  • princess-of-mice

    “Can we try being a bit more pessimistic? We’re so cheerful and really trying to have pride in our hometown,” said no contributor to this list ever.
    Geez, try feeling the holiday spirit a little.

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