My kids have been back in school for a week now. I learn new stuff about their schools each year. Sometimes, I re-learn things that I had forgotten over the summer months. Either way, here are some of those things:
- My kids love the thought of getting up way earlier than they have to. Each one of them will ask me to wake them up super early. But when it comes time to wake them up, it’s only after I threaten to waterboard them that they actually roll out of the bed.
- Kids have it made now when it comes to lunch. Their school food actually resembles food. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved the mystery nuggets, PB&J made with some kinda paste that definitely isn’t PB and definitely not J, yet still delicious, and the lukewarm chocolate milk growing up, but No. 2 and No. 4 have gotten to where they actually prefer school lunches over taking their lunch from home.
- Speaking of No. 2, I have fully crossed over into the realm of embarrassing dad for him. He started a new middle school and made sure to stay two steps behind me at open house. He also finds a reason to stop and wait to walk separately on the way down the street in the morning as he’s walking to the bus stop and I’m on my way to my morning run, so as to ensure that no one will think we know each other if we are seen in the early morning.
- No. 3 has fully taken on the Teacher’s Pet role. In fact, she’s about three years into it. She’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t even need a hall pass because the entire faculty knows her. I think she’s even got a key to the teachers’ lounge. She brought a paycheck home last Friday; it’s bigger than mine and she’s due for her quarterly bonus at the end of the month.
- No. 4 has vowed to make this his year. Second grade is going to be the year that he really tries to be as good as possible. I’m sure his kindergarten and first grade teachers are wishing he felt that way years ago. I’m also sure that his second grade teacher has no idea what she’s in for. The wife and I have a pool going over how soon his first parent-teacher conference will be.
- “These damn kids have no idea how good they’ve got it!” No, but, for real! Not only are they allowed to bring electronics to school, it’s encouraged! I’m not just talking about calculators. I mean laptops, tablets, phones, even gaming devices. They can even chew gum in class! Even when we were allowed to have a bottled drink in class, I don’t ever remember being allowed to chew gum. Not even as a senior in high school. Totally unfair! I want a do-over! If I could have chewed gum and Googled all the answers, I’d have had a much higher GPA.
- The school car line is cut-throat. You really have to be on your game. If you get caught slipping, you’re going to be stuck in the vortex of death known as the school’s circular driveway for a long time.
- School’s supply lists are getting out of hand. I only had to buy for No. 2 (the wife handled the other two) and his supply list cost more than $90! And I didn’t even get everything on the list. Oh, and don’t think you’re going to buy some book covers the week before school. Those things are tougher to find than Masters tickets. Next year, I’m gonna pre-order a bunch and just stand out on Washington Road with a goofy hat, plaid shorts and a sign that says “NEED BOOK COVERS.”