Twerk It Real Good

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Twerk It Real Good

Some weeks, believe it or not, I find myself at a loss for words. For those of you who dislike my words, you’re probably wishing it would happen more often. Often, I even wish it would happen more often. Am I the only one who tires of her own voice?

This week is one of those. I haven’t had the time to be aware enough of the “funny things.” The things people say “only happen” to me. As I’ve said dozens of times, they don’t just happen to me. I just happen to notice.

Since you’re here, and now that I think about it, a funny thing did happen to me this week. I don’t plan on regularly sharing my conversations with my son regarding his teenage years, but I asked his permission on this one. Trust me. I won’t be documenting his bodily changes and our sex talks for all to see. Not only is it not all that interesting, but it’s none of your dadgum business. I mean that in the nicest of ways.

The Boy asked me why our puppy, who is now about six months old, twerks when he is trying to show dominance. Huh? What are you talking about, dude?

I investigated. “Boy, what do you mean, he twerks?” I’m not only confused by the fact that The Boy, an ultra-conservative dancer, even knows the dance move, but when in the actual hell has my little puppy twerked?

“Well, you say that it isn’t great when Teddy makes that back-forth-back-forth motion after he wraps his arms around your leg. I don’t see it as dominance, but it’s weird.” Indeed. He’s seen the America’s Funniest Videos about such things, but, until now, it went right over his head.

He’s never been an asker of whys. It’s partly due to the fact that he already knows the answer, and he knows I don’t. Years ago, when he was around four, he asked the biology questions related to reproduction. Actually, he told me what he read in his children’s encyclopedia, and I confirmed. It was all science then.

My naivety had me believing it still was.

The questions are different now, though. To preserve his privacy, I’ll spare you the specifics. “Okay, buddy. That twerking you’re seeing isn’t really twerking. Teddy is almost a teenager, so he is, um, well, making motions similar to the ones he’d make if he was making puppies with a female dog.” We talked a little more, relating it to humans and other mammals.

“You mean it’s like doin’ it?” Blink. Blink.

“That’s not the clinical term, kiddo, but yes. I’m glad you asked. Do you have any questions?”

I’m not afraid to talk to my kids about life and all that, but I was admittedly relieved when it looked like things were wrapping up. I was sweating. It’s not awful, and I want them to be informed, but while he found it entertaining, I panicked a little. Are we really here? Apparently, we are.

On the bright side, The Boy now knows that it might be a good idea to push Teddy off, should he get friendly with (read: hump) a guest’s leg. It’s not a behavior we’d like to encourage. Unfortunately, for all y’all with kids, he has a self-imposed mental image of you “doing it.”

Twerk it, people.

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