My wife and I were recently enjoying a night out with a couple that are great friends of ours. We really enjoy our time with them… most of the time.
You see, they are a really jealous couple. Extremely jealous! We could be having a wonderful night out, but when the admiring eye of another guy or girl catches their attention the mood gets tense and usually ruins the night.
I used to get overly jealous too, when I was younger. I think, as a male, it’s kind of in our design to be that way. It took some growing up and some good advice for me to realize how ridiculous it is. It was very bluntly put to me upon one of my jealous fits as a young 20-something: “If you don’t want other guys looking at your girlfriend, date an ugly girl.”
Shortly after, I learned to stifle my first instinct to go knock a guy’s block off for ogling my girl. There was an exact moment I can recall where the girl I was dating was actually approached by a guy. A friend standing next to me pointed it out, expecting me to go over and intervene. Instead, I smiled and said, “Watch this.” The guy gave my girlfriend whatever spiel or line it was and I saw her smile and politely reject him. That moment gave me a new outlook on the whole situation, one that I use to this very day.
Even now, when I see someone looking or even trying his game with my wife. I just watch and feel proud that I have such a beautiful woman. Proud to know that she’s with me and confident to know that she’s leaving with me.
It’s really not that difficult to realize, if you think for a second. You were attracted to your girl, guy, husband or wife for a reason. Chances are, you’re not the only person who notices that reason. Their appearance doesn’t change along with their relationship status. And, you know, we all like to feel like we still “got it” every now and then. Why deny that feeling to your significant other? If someone wants to compliment your significant other, why not let them? As long as it’s not in an inappropriate way, you could even take it as a compliment, yourself. “That guy thinks I have a hot wife… y’know what, I am pretty damn lucky!” If you feel like other people looking at your significant other is going to lead to an indiscretion, then you have a different issue to deal with altogether.
Let’s look at it like this: You would never become angry or defensive if somebody walked up to your brand new car and complimented it. You would certainly beam with pride and enjoy the fact that somebody else wants what you have. Can they have it? No. But the pride that comes along with the attraction of others should be celebrated.
However, there’s an alternative: Accepting human nature and the fact that people are going to be attracted to other people. This includes your significant other. They don’t stop noticing attractive people just because they’re with you. WHAAAAAT? Yea, I know, I can’t believe that my crippling studliness isn’t enough to kill my wife’s human instinct, either. But fighting with her isn’t going to solve it. So that leaves us with two options: Make her hide it from me or show her that I’m confident enough to handle it.
My wife will actually joke with me about attractive women when we’re around. She knows I notice them. She even knows that I may think they’re hot. But she also knows I’m with her and have no desire to stray. And I’m not naïve enough to think she doesn’t notice attractive guys. In fact, I feel that it keeps me on my toes. Keeps me in the gym, etc., working on myself to ensure that I have something to offer.
Which reminds me… I need to get to that gym.